Recently

So recently, I have gotten my hopes up. Not out of the of the ordinary haha. I had hoped that this July 4th Matt would be able to come home for a bit and spend time with us. It took a couple weeks to find out the answer, and sadly that answer ended up being no. I mean, I expected it - we all expected it. But there was still hope left that I was not willing to let go of. There still is.. which makes no sense, but hey I'd rather have hope than be some emotionless blob. I'm so ready for this time apart to be done with, too bad there's still several months left until I will be able to see him again. So, I will suck it up and continue to wait with my head held high. Sometimes I just want to break down and cry, but what's the point in that? Crying won't bring Matt home any sooner - it will only make me more sad, and make him more sad if he knew I was crying. I cried a little bit over face time with him the other day, and I think he could tell, but I wiped away the tears and continued to smile. I have all the reason to smile, Matt is my #1 reason to smile. I miss him so very much, but at least I have him to miss, and I know that when he does get his leave we will be getting married. When I think of things that way I smile, and my heart smiles - and I feel so much better. Today I saw my friend Lindsey, and when I told her the sad news that Matt would not be coming back for a little in July she told me "I don't know how you do it" she told me she gets sad when she hears these things, and can't imagine how I feel. Truthfully, yes .. it sucks, but I feel so strong knowing that we can get through it, and we will get through it. It's NOT easy being away from the person you want to marry for so long. It's not easy at all. But we manage, and our love is stronger than ever. I don't know what I'd do without Matt! He keeps me strong and happy when it seems like nothing is going fairly. The truth is life isn't fair haha - I've definitely learned that! It's okay though, because although some things in life aren't fair, others are. Yes, it seems unfair that I can't see Matt at all until the fall - but then I think of how lucky I am to be marrying someone who I can trust with my life and feel so comfortable with. He's my best friend and soul mate, and although I can't be with him right now - I have the rest of my life to be with him! This rant has made me feel so much better.
Stay positive and strong - you can do anything you put your mind to.

Some more catch up - it's been a month already!

I haven't blogged in a while, I feel bad about it too! Not entirely sure if I have readers that miss reading - but  I sure do miss writing. I have been busy lately though, so I suppose I shouldn't be too hard on myself. It's already been over a month since Matt has been at AIT! - hard to believe, but time is flying by! Let's see, Matt's classes are still going well. He's been passing his tests and seems to be happy overall. They still go until about 1:30 Am, and yes I still stay up every single night to talk to him - even if it's only for a little. He's worth the tired days. I had a 3 week summer math class that just ended this past Thursday. This class was every week day from 9 to about 12:30. Not too bad, but math isn't my best subject (truthfully it's probably my worst subject). It was definitely a stressful 3 weeks, but I made it! I'm not sure on my final grade for the class, but I am extremely confident that I did not fail - yay! haha! So, what else is new.. hmm.. I've still been spending every Wednesday and Saturday at Matt's parents house. His older sister is there now too, and her son Vann! Visiting is even more fun and exciting with a crazy two year old running around! Oh!did I mention we got a new dog?! A little Lab-German Shepard mixed girl. She's all black with a little white on her stomach, and she's strong! Hopefully she'll become more well behaved as she grows up, but overall she's a good dog, and keeps my younger sister busy busy busy. I pretty much get to talk to Matt every day, not for long, but at least I get to hear from him each day. Both of our wedding bands have arrived in the mail, and are safely tucked away. His is an all black Triton ring, and mine is a small and beautiful white gold ring with alternating black and white diamonds - I can't wait till we can wear them!! We're still not sure when Matt will be coming home on leave, meaning we're still not sure when we'll be getting married - somehow the unknown isn't bothering me too much, and I thank God for that. I'm trying to think of new things - here's an exciting one! This past Wednesday I returned home around 10 Pm to find a package sitting on the table. I walked up and my eyes immediately centered on the returning address. The package sitting on the table was from PV2 Vollmer! My eyes then shifted to who it was for - of course me. My face lit up like the sun. I could feel my cheeks blush as I ripped open the package with trembling hands. Inside was a card, two magnets, and Matt's name tag. The magnets were cute ones that you'd get if you were traveling to a different state to remember where you've been. I opened the card and my eyes filled with tears as I read the sweet words. Happy tears, of course! This package was completely unexpected - and made me just about the happiest girl in the world! Matt is so sweet to me, and I just love him so much! I hope that he knows how much I appreciate him - I don't see how he couldn't know with the way I act towards him! I love that man more than anything in this world, and I am soo happy that I get to marry him. My life has definitely been blessed, and I hope it continues. Overall, AIT hasn't been so bad on my end. Yes, I get lonely - all the time. Yes, I cry sometimes - not a lot, but it still happens. And yes - I miss him more than anything, but overall I'm okay, and he's okay, and that's all that matters. We will be reunited soon enough, and I am looking forward to that every single day.
Stay strong and positive - this is hard, but it's definitely do-able.

Catch up

So, about those classes Matt was supposed to start. Tuesday Matt got to class and they turned him away because his identification card was not working. After turning him away they informed him that he would be held back about 3 more weeks. Well, that news sucked! I got a little teary eyed, but wiped them away and kept positive. No matter the amount of time Matt is gone I will always always wait patiently to be reunited with him, because I know eventually we must be reunited. The next day Matt decided to try again to fix his card, and guess what! This sergeant fixed it right away! I was over joyed with the news! Matt said he would try once again to go to class that night. I continued my weekly routine of going to his mom's house every Wednesday, and did not receive another message from him for the rest of that evening - meaning he was in class!! His class schedule goes from late afternoon till about 2 Am. So, the bad news we thought was reality is now changed, and he should not be set back those extra 3 or so weeks! I decided to stay up until he got back, and I have continued to do so every day since he has been in class - which is about a week now. It's a little tough to stay up that late - I run out of things to do while waiting - but I end up figuring something out! I barely get to talk to Matt at all during the week, and so I stay up late to at least talk to him a little before going to sleep. I miss him more at night; the day gets quieter, and my thoughts get louder. We've still got about 3 months left, maybe a little more until we are reunited with each other. If you think about it, that's not so bad. Even as I think about it in the moment it's not that bad. It's just kind of normal now that Matt is far away. It's just how it is. I'm not saying it's easy - it's NOT. I hate how this is normal that he's far away, every day I think about how I'd love to just hug him, and kiss him, and hold him, and tell him how much I love him - I can't wait until that day is finally here! I spend my nights wishing I were cuddled in his arms, and I spend my days wishing he was by my side keeping me company. When we do talk, it's usually quick, and full of "I love you's" - and I LOVE THAT. I have to say that the distance is not hurting our relationship one bit, in fact I feel even closer to him. It's not easy to stay strong, and happy, and madly in love while you are so far away from your loved one - but we're doing it! and we're doing it so easily. Every day Matt proves to me that he is the perfect man for me, and I only hope I do the same for him. I really am marrying my dream guy!
Now, let me get you caught up on what I've been up to while waiting for all this training to be over! I started back at school this past Monday. I go to FCC Monday through Thursday from 9 am - 12:30 pm. Even better - it's a math class! I'm kidding when I say "even better", because math is one of my worst subjects haha! It's actually not too bad so far. It's a little challenging, but my professor is nice and helpful which makes a huge difference! This class will run only 3 weeks, so I know it's going to fly by. Then I'll be finishing up my very last semester at FCC!
Remember to stay strong and positive - because really, that's the best you can do for yourself and others around you!

Memorial Day

So far AIT hasn't changed too much, Matt is supposed to be beginning his classes tomorrow - and I say supposed to because you never know with the Army haha! Today is memorial day, a day to remember those who have fought, and fallen for our freedom. It is also a day to remember, and think of those who are fighting for our freedom now. I couldn't help but feel a sense of pride that Matt, my fiance, is one of those men that people were thanking today. He's always been my hero, but now others think of him as a hero too - and I'm just so proud. I can't even put into words how proud I am!! - all I can do is keep saying I'm proud. I feel like that isn't good enough to describe my feelings, but it's so hard to put into words! I think you get the point though, I'M REALLY PROUD! The day went by fast and slow at the same time. Have you ever experienced a day like that? My morning started at around 9 something, sort of. I woke up at 9 something, but for some reason I didn't move an inch from my bed until around 11. I finally got up though, and poured myself a mug of coffee. While sitting at the kitchen table I got a surprise FaceTime call from Matt! I got up and moved to the other room, and then he hung up on me! haha! He got busy as soon as he tried to call me, so I then sat outside and waited for him to call back. Not long after I got another call, and he was sitting outside too! I could hear the birds chirping on his end, and I'm sure he could hear them chirping on my end too. It was really nice, and made my day so much better! We sat and laughed for a long while until Matt had to go. I then spent hours researching UMUC and what exactly I'll need to get done in order to get my BA in English. Now I know all the classes I need to take, well before I really need to worry about it. But, that's how I am. I'm a planner, and I like it that way! Since the army has taken away my planning privileges, I'll just have to plan everything else and be satisfied with that! I just like to be prepared, that's all. I think it's a good thing to do - to keep prepared. It keeps your mind clear and organized, and trust me, while your significant other is in the military, you're going to want to keep your mind organized! Matt got back late tonight and ever since he's been sending me the sweetest and funniest things! It's SO nice to be able to talk to him now. It helps sooo much. My heart would always ache at night while he was in boot camp. I'd miss him so much, but now the ache and the missing him is dampened because I am able to hear his voice, and read his sweet words every day. Matt makes me the happiest girl in the world. He really does. I still can't believe how lucky I am to have him! I wonder if I'll ever get used to that - no probably not. I'll forever be thanking God for the sweetest gift he could have given me, Matt.

So far so good

So far AIT has been okay for me. I get to talk to Matt every night - even if it's just for a little, and we get to have small conversations throughout the day. He told me tonight that we will only be able to talk on weekends once his classes start. Obviously I'm no good at all when it comes to hiding my emotions because while I thought I looked normal, Matt told me to turn my frown upside down. At least I tried not to look sad.  I wish this weren't the case; I wish his days would continue to end around 5, but now they go till early hours of the morning. It is a good thing that he's in classes though, so he won't be set back even farther while waiting to get placed in a class. I'm thankful that things are moving along. But, as he said - we will only be able to talk on the weekends. Now what scares me about this is that I work weekends, so I won't be able to talk to him as much as I want. I guess I have to go back to giving myself pep talks every night and missing him even more! I know I'll be fine, but I guess I just wasn't expecting this. That's the life though, I just have to suck it up. And I will. It sucks sometimes, yes - but Matt is way worth it. I don't think every fort is like this when it comes to AIT, so maybe others will get lucky when it comes to talking to their loved one. Another thing is that Matt shares a room with two other guys, so when we get the chance to FaceTime they are right there. Now this wouldn't be much of a problem except for the fact that when I see Matt my mind goes blank and all I can think about is how much I love him - so naturally all I want to say is "I love you" over and over and over. Then I think, I probably shouldn't do that because his roommates will think I'm some weirdo and Matt won't want to keep saying it back and forth. So then I end up just looking at him and smiling and thinking in my head how much I love him.. and it just struck me that that might be even weirder than saying it over and over again haha! I have one more week left until summer classes start, and one day left until I have to go back to work. The break was definitely nice! Starting school will be good for me. I'll keep busier, and the days and weeks, and eventually months will go by faster. That's all I really want... is for this next 4 or so months to go by as fast as possible! As I'm typing Matt sent me a message, and in the message were several pictures of me, and he and I with cats on our heads instead of our faces. I just cracked up, they are so hilarious! I always knew I wanted, and even needed to marry someone funny.. and I just feel so lucky to have him. We share the same humor, and he just makes my life fun - even from miles away. I suppose that's when you know you've found the right person - when you've been separated for months, but they can still make you the happiest person in the world. That's what Matt does for me! And I'm not exactly sure what I did to be blessed with him, but I wouldn't trade him for the world! I've known for a while, but so many more things keep proving to me that Matt is 100% perfect for me. Basically what I'm trying to explain is just how happy I am. Life is hard, but life is good.

Changes

Well already there have been some changes made due to the military. The other day I got a call from Matt, and he informed me that he was told he will not be home in time for our wedding. As soon as he told me this he had to hang up the phone and go to formation. He told me he loved me several times, and that he'd call right back, so while I waited I cried. A lot. I pretty much calmed myself down by the time Matt called back, and we decided that although this sucks, A WHOLE LOT, we will just have a small wedding with family, and then a larger one later on when we can really plan for it. Now, I'm still not completely sure when the wedding will be because we aren't sure when he will be allowed his leave, but I'm hoping it will be very close to September still. Honestly, a big wedding isn't my concern at all. My concern is being able to marry Matt, and be with him. So, although the news was very sad, I am still very happy that we decided to have a small wedding first just so we will be able to be together as soon as possible. I don't want to be alone, and sad, and missing Matt any longer than I absolutely have to. So this plan is still perfect in my eyes! I got to FaceTime with Matt again last night. I got to watch him do his "bed time" routine, and it made me miss when I'd actually be there and brush my teeth with him. It was nice to be able to kind of be there though! As I mentioned before, thank God for technology! We actually talked really late tonight - until about 12:00 Am I think. It was so nice to be able to have a longer conversation with him. I just can't wait til we can have long night time conversations in person! Sadly, I have no idea when this will be haha. Luckily I can laugh about this. While he was in boot camp I had an exact date and count down til when we would be reunited, but now I have nothing. I'm assuming it will be 4 months - maybe more - I don't really know! I still have my little count down app set for the date I thought we'd be going to get him from Georgia, but so far it looks like that won't be the date. I mean, who knows - things might change! It is the military we're talking about remember. But all together - I have no idea, and I assume that's how it's going to be for the next 4 years he's in! It's all sort of funny because I'm a planner, I always have been - and probably always will be in some way. This whole experience is definitely changing my ways though. Yes, I still try to plan - but so far nothing has really gone according to plan at all. Maybe it's a good thing that I'm learning to get out of those planning ways? Once again, I'm not sure! I'm not sure of much except for the fact that I love Matt more than anything in this world, and I'm going to marry that man! And really, that's all that matters.

AIT has started, and now so has another count down.

Well, I suppose I should summarize my time spent with Matt! I woke up early Wednesday morning and did my best to make my hair look pretty, then got dressed in a pair of army green capris, and a tan tank. I quickly put on some sun screen, and my father and I headed out the door to go see Matt! We got an alright spot in the bleachers, and I saved a spot for Matt's family until they arrived too. The ceremony started at about 9:00 Am. From the woods came big clouds of smoke, and from that smoke came out soldiers running! I don't really know if I can explain just how excited I felt at that moment. A smile stretched wide across my face, and butterflies exploded all throughout my body. I screamed and cheered with many others in the crowd, then we all sat back down and waited until we were allowed on the field to find our loved one. Which was hard by the way, I had no idea where to find Matt because all of the soldiers had moved around the field by the time we got down there. We found him though! I wrapped my arms tightly around his neck, and wouldn't let go for anything. I felt as though I would have fallen down if I let go. My legs were shaking with excitement, and I could not get them to stop. Matt even asked me if I was okay haha! He said I sounded like I was hyperventilating and my body was shaking. It's true, I was. We all stood there for a little, and then walked around the tents where all of the vendors were selling things. Matt ended up buying himself an Army sweatshirt, and I think that was all any one bought. I couldn't keep my hands off Matt, and I think he felt the same. Every second of the day my arm was either around his waist, my hand was either tangled in his, or my lips were glued to his. We drove away from the field, and went to a small lake where we all sat and talked more. After that Matt decided he was hungry, and we went to meet his sister Kim at one of the fast food restaurants on base. After everyone who wanted lunch ordered, we all sat on a blanket in the grass and ate and talked some more. Matt's other sister, Rose called and said she was at the hotel, so Kim and Matt's mother went to go pick Rose and her family up. When we were finally ready to move on we went to the PX so Matt could get a bag to keep his uniforms in. Around 4:30 we all went to a sea food buffet dinner held at one of the buildings on base. It was gross, but I think Matt loved just about any food that wasn't served to him in the "chow" room. After that we all went bowling, and that's when I found out I SUCK! But it's okay, it was a lot of fun! Matt had to leave soon after so we all hung outside until it was time. We drove him to the barracks, and said goodbye until his graduation the next day! Once back at the hotel I hung out in Matt's parents room with the family til it got too late for me sit around any longer. The next morning I woke up early once again, and got dressed in a pretty floral dress and white wedges. My dad had to leave back to Maryland, and I headed off to graduation with Matt's sisters. We got a higher up spot on the bleachers this time, but it had a pretty good view. This time the soldiers marched onto the field in their dress blues, and we were able to see Matt with his mom's binoculars. After the ceremony the soldiers were taken back to their barracks on a bus and we were told to pick them up from there. The line to get off the field was un godly, and did not move at all! We decided to take a short cut, and followed some buses to where Matt was waiting. I was determined, and marching down to the barracks with sore feet when Matt's little brother exclaimed "there he is!" I didn't believe him at first, because he usually plays jokes, but I looked over and sure enough there he was! My lips immediately connected to his like a magnet and I did not want to let go! Sadly I had to. We all walked down to the barracks and waited for Matt to be let go so he could come off base with us for the day. I took some pictures of him and his friends, and then we waited in line for a while. It turned out that we were not supposed to be in the line at all, and we ran off as soon as we found that out. We then all went to lunch and had a nice time. Oh! Also, Matt got that promotion we had hoped for! I'm so proud of him :)  After lunch we all went back to the hotel and Matt and I eventually got his new Ipad set up. After that we went to the mall. While there we got our fingers sized, and even picked out some wedding bands we liked! Time went by way too fast, and it was already time for Matt to start getting ready to head back to base. We took him back to the barracks, and walked around for a while until it was absolutely time for him to go. We said our goodbyes, and tears fell down my face as I have him 20 last hugs and kisses before shutting the car door. Luckily, Matt is able to keep his phone and now has a new Ipad, so he will get to talk to me way way more than he could have at boot camp! And thank God for that because instead of a little over 2 months, Matt's AIT lasts for 4 months. Needless to say I'm already ready for it to be over, but I must wait - and I will wait. Getting to see Matt was the happiest I have been in SO long. Not that I haven't been happy, I have been - if you've kept up with this blog so far it is clear that I became ecstatic every single time I heard from Matt. But getting to see his handsome face, and kiss him, and hug him, and tell him how much I love him made me happier than I even knew possible. I was so proud to stand by his side. It's crazy, he's part of the Army now! He's really a soldier, and a good looking soldier might I add :). It's now Monday, and I got to FaceTime with Matt last night. It's not the same as seeing him in person, but getting to see his smile light up when I do something silly is the best feeling in the world! He's in processing all day today - so I'm not sure when I'll hear from him next, but I'm hoping I'll be able to see his face again tonight! Sometimes I think technology is bad, but really - I am so glad it exists. I'd still be relying on snail mail to talk to Matt through AIT if it weren't for technology. I'd survive, yes. But it would be so much harder. Getting to talk to Matt keeps me sane, and I am so so thankful! I lounged on the couch all day long, and fell asleep on and off. The last time I woke up I heard the doorbell ring, so I got up to answer it. At the door was a woman holding a beautiful bouquet of flowers. A huge smile appeared on my face as soon as I saw them. I opened the door, and she asked for a Maddison Nelson. That's me!! I signed for the flowers, and took them out of her hand. I then walked into the kitchen and opened the note attached. It read, "Simply because, I love you. Matt." Short and sweet. Happy tears filled my eyes! I was so surprised to get flowers! No one had ever sent me flowers before, and I didn't even ask for them! Obviously I have chosen the right guy to marry, even though I've known that all along. I just feel so blessed to have Matt in my life! I'm so lucky, and so in love!
So there's about 3 months and 3 weeks left now. ... Hopefully the time will go by super fast, but I'm just glad I have Matt to talk to (hopefully every day) this time!