Day 51 began around 9:00 AM. I packed up Matt's cell phone, and got it ready to send down to him in South Carolina. I got dressed and then headed out the door. I spent the rest of my day on the couch, catching up on homework while waiting until I absolutely had to get up and get ready for work. The mail came around 3:30 and I rushed out to check it. No luck today either, but I didn't let it get me too down. I got ready for work and drug my feet out the door and into my car. Tonight was our Brazilian Wine Dinner. The man who was supposed to speak about the wine was more than an hour late, and I didn't get any free food which I was hoping for since we got dinner last time. I planned for the rest of the weekend, and went home around 8:40 PM. On my way home I noticed the beautiful moon, and found myself wondering if Matt was looking at the moon too. That's the nice thing about the moon; wherever you may be, you are always looking up at the same moon. I heated up some left overs and then went down stairs to my room. I put away some laundry, and then for some reason decided to open my box of letters from Matt and read. I would read some, then write some in my own letter to Matt. I started thinking of all the things I miss about Matt - pretty much anything you can think of I miss. This made me tear up, so I read more of his letters, which made me cry even more, and then eventually my cheeks and hands were covered in black mascara from wiping away tears so I could see clearly enough to continue reading. In one of Matt's letters to me he mentioned a song that played a lot in the buses whenever he'd have to get on one. I found the song, and that lead to playing even more love songs. These songs helped the tears fall even more. I guess I just needed a good cry. I miss Matt so much, and all that emotion couldn't stay bottled up any longer. Out of the corner of my tear filled eye I saw a nasty bug run (yes, run) into my room. I couldn't let it just roam around - what if it got in my clothes, or my bed?! So, I ran up the stairs as fast as I could and grabbed a tennis shoe - and then I killed that little sucker. I guess I should thank the bug though, because he got me to stop crying. Too bad he's dead now. Hopefully his friends don't come seeking revenge. I finished up my letter to Matt, and changed the music from sad love songs to random classic rock songs (my favorite). I'll get a shower in then head off to bed so that I can face the long day ahead of me tomorrow. A 6 hour Biology class, then work ... sounds fun doesn't it? Yeah I don't think so either, but it has to be done.
Tip of the day: Just get a good cry out. Everyone needs a good cry once in a while, and if you're stressed, or missing someone like I am - you'll need a good cry a little more than every once in a while. It's nothing to be ashamed of, I think it helps you! So, go ahead and cry. Maybe once it's been long enough a bug will come in the room so that you can kill it, and stop crying like I did! Who knows!
Stay Positive! You're getting closer and closer!
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