35 days till Matt leaves, and I'm sitting in bed crying my eyes out. It's okay to cry, I feel at least a little better afterwards. I don't know what I'm going to do when he leaves. I will no doubt think about him every day, and probably even cry several times a month, and probably every day for at least a week. I hate going into this with no idea what to expect, but I have to, and so I will.
Sometimes I think "I don't want to do this!" I don't want to be without him for a year. Not being able to kiss him and cuddle him and talk to him face to face for long periods of time. Then I think, who else would I want to do all those things with though? The answer is NO ONE! There is no one else in the world who I would rather be with than Matt, and there is absolutely no doubt in my mind about that. This is what Matt wants, and Matt is what I want. Even if I'm scared out of my mind and don't want to feel the pain of being alone for a little, as I said before... I have to, and so I will.
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