Tuesday, April 30, 2013

Day 56 of boot camp

Day 56 started at about 6:40 AM. That's the first time I woke up anyways. I awoke from a dream of Matt.  It felt so real, like we were really together. I wasn't ready to say goodbye to him (even if it was just a dream). So, I laid back down, shut my eyes, and went back to dream land where I could see Matt some more. I woke up about 3 more times after the first, and each time I went back to sleep, and was lucky enough to go right back into the dream I was having before. Eventually I had to get up though, I had class, and couldn't sleep all day long. So I got up, did some pilates, then showered before hanging out on the couch doing homework before leaving for class. On my way to school I stopped by the mail box, and sadly found no letter from Matt today. Not that I really expected it since I just got one yesterday, and he told me how busy he was going to be these upcoming weeks. At least it's only 2 weeks until we will get to see each other again. I think I can last 2 weeks without hearing from him... I think. No, I know I can. It will suck, but I can. Anyways, I got to school, grabbed a large coffee, and sat there for the next 4 hours. At least next week is my last week of school too... until summer classes that is. I don't hate school - I like it! But I am so sick of these classes with huge gaps in between, leaving me bored out of my mind, and sitting there for ungodly amounts of time. It probably doesn't help that I'm getting SO excited about seeing Matt. It's so close, I can't believe it. These pasts months are now a blur. I can't really remember much. I can remember the day Matt left very clearly - like it was yesterday, but everything after that is pretty much a blur except for the letters and phone calls I got from Matt; those are fresh in my mind too, but everything else is just a distant memory. When people say it'll go by fast, and you just don't believe them, because it seems like the end of the world - well in that moment yes, it is kind of the end of the world, but over all it actually does go by fast. You don't have to believe me, I wouldn't believe me either - but you'll see for yourself that the time really does go by fast! OKAY, on with the rest of my day. I got home around 8, then went for a drive to find out how to get to the school I have to observe at tomorrow, and then got even more school work done... that's it, so there really wasn't much else to the rest of my day haha. I suppose I should shower, then get to bed soon.
Tip of the day: Go ahead and give yourself one of those days to just lay in bed, and let yourself sink back into dream land where your loved one is. Don't do this too much, you need to be productive too. But every once in a while allow yourself, you deserve it. Don't let it be one of those mornings when you cry, and sulk around because you miss them so much - but let it be one of those mornings where you smile because you're happy that you have someone to miss and dream about. Time is ticking by, and you will be reunited with your loved one before you know it. 
Stay positive! 

Monday, April 29, 2013

Day 55 of boot camp

Today began with a work out and a long shower. After that I worked on some school work until Lindsey came over. My garage was broken (not getting into it) and so I couldn't use my car to get to the post office and Library. Luckily, Linds took me there. Then we went to Walmart and the grocery store to buy supplies to make a crab dip for a baby shower later today. We got everything we needed, then headed home to create our masterpiece. It actually turned out really good! We packed Aubrey in the car a little after and took her back home before it was time to leave for the shower. We drove by the mailbox before leaving, but the mail was still not there. So, off we went to take little miss Aubrey home. We came back with the presents , and checked the mail one more time. This time it was there! And guess what, I got a letter! We drove back around to my driveway and we both sat in the car and I began to read the long letter. It was so sweet, and made me SO happy. Lindsey had the privilege of hearing the parts I read out loud that really made me smile, and witnessing my pure tears of joy. I even made her cry too. It was a real best friend moment, to say the least. Matt just makes me so happy, so purely, undoubtedly HAPPY. I have to remember to thank him for that when I see him in 2 WEEKS! After I finished reading, and we finished crying, we packed everything together and got ready to leave for the baby shower! A lot of girls from work were there, and it was fun! It was nice to be able to spend time outside out work with them and just to relax and hangout. The shower eventually came to an end and Lindsey and I headed off to Walmart... again... to do a little shopping. I bought a small pack of CDs so that I can make one full of songs that remind me of Matt to play in my car. The Walmart trip eventually came to an end too, and Lindsey dropped me off at home. I wrote a long letter back to Matt, which I will send off tomorrow, and now here I am writing this. Afterwards I plan to do a little cardio on the treadmill, and maybe even throw in some pilates to end my night.
Tip of the day: Get together with some friends, and have a good time! It will take your mind off some of your stresses, and just make you happy. You deserve a little fun and happiness too!
Stay positive!!

Sunday, April 28, 2013

Day 54 of boot camp

I woke up several times at Matt's this morning. I first set my alarm for a little before 8, hoping for a morning phone call from Matt like we had gotten the past 2 weeks. No call, so I went back to sleep and snoozed my alarm probably 8 times just in case Matt did call. I didn't want to fall into too deep of a sleep, what if the phone rang?! I eventually headed home around 11:00 AM - still with no phone call. I hugged his mom goodbye then headed home to begin my load of school work I need to get done before I leave for South Carolina! I finished my paper for my film class, then my mom, sister, and I went to Down Town Frederick to find the perfect necklace for me to wear on my wedding day. Being of proud Lithuanian decent, and already having beautiful amber earrings, we decided to go to the Amber Coast, a small shop with all things from Eastern Europe, to find the necklace. And that's just what we did - found the perfect necklace.  It matches beautifully with my earrings and was hand crafted in Poland then brought here. I love it, and I can't wait to wear it. It's also said that amber brings good luck and love, so it's perfect! After finishing up our little shopping trip we headed home. While driving back my phone started blaring the Rocky theme song, meaning I was getting a phone call. I looked down to see South Carolina's area code! I freaked out, yelled "MATT'S CALLING", turned off the radio that was never on to begin with (meaning I actually turned it on) then actually turned it off, and picked up the phone. On the other line was a very deep and strange voice talking to me. I knew it was Matt, but he sounded so different. I came to find out he was purposely making his voice deep and has been practicing it while down there! HAHA! I love him. Matt only had 10 minutes to talk today, and so I made out what he was saying the best I could, and we had a nice conversation. He told me how much he liked throwing grenades, and sadly that he hasn't received any of my MANY letters for over a week :(. Apparently he's sent more too that I haven't gotten either. I told him that at least we only have 2 weeks left. As the conversation got closer and closer to ending I tried to remember if I had anything else I needed to tell him. Matt then told me he had something he NEEDED to tell me, so I asked what. He replied with "I love you", which melted my heart and spread a big ol' smile on my face. I told him I loved him more, and before I knew it his time to talk was up. We said our goodbyes, I love yous, and I can't wait to see yous and then I listened until his side of the line clicked off, as I always do. I sat there smiling, and shaking with excitement and butterflies that lasted long after we got home.  Matt makes me SO happy, even just a simple phone call makes me loopy with joy. Once the butterflies had settled I started on more school work again. I finished a project for my British Lit class, a narrative poem about the journey of Beowulf. I then moved on to a paper for my History class. I got that done too, not too long ago actually. I have everything else set up and put into my mind that I need to get done, and I am so glad. I don't have much time at all til I get to leave to go see Matt! I know this time will go by fast for us. I'm busy with school work, and he's busy with last minute activities before his big graduation. I couldn't be more proud of him, and I absolutely cannot wait to marry that boy. Only about 16 days left!! I'll finish up the night with some pilates, and some much needed sleep.
Tip of the day: get things organized, and ready! No one wants a scrambled mind! Keep yourself calm and aware by planning things out ahead of time, and then getting them done before they need to be turned in! I promise you doing this will keep your stress level down, and help you to stay happy busy - instead of crazy, running around like a chicken with it's head cut off busy. .. That kinda busy doesn't sound too fun to me.
Stay positive! The weeks will soon be days, and the days will soon be hours!

Day 53 of boot camp

I started off my day with a shower, and some homework. After that My mother and I met Matt's mom at the florist shop for our first meeting! It was actually very successful, and I ended up deciding on all of the flowers I wanted. I don't want to go into details, because I'd like it to be more of a surprise when I am able to post pictures of it. Trust me though, they will be gorgeous! The florist seems to really like me haha. She kept talking about how laid back I was. I take that as a compliment. She started talking about feeling magical when I put my wedding dress on when I first bought it. I informed her I'm not that type of girl, and that I thought I looked real good - but not magical. I never picture things like that, I never really have. The only time I can honestly say I feel magical and princess - like is when I'm with Matt. He makes me feel like the most beautiful girl in the world, and I am so thankful for that. As I said, I don't normally ever feel like a girly girl, but Matt makes me feel that way, I suppose that's one of the reasons I love him so much :) Every girl wants to feel like a princess at some point in her life, and Matt makes me feel that way every day. After that I headed back home and got ready for work. A little bit after that the mail came, so I rushed out to check it. No luck today, though. I headed back inside, pouty faced, and waited for my time to leave for work. Work was pretty busy, and went by fast enough. I grabbed a salad on my way out and then got to Matt's house a little after 9:00 PM. Matt's family got two letters from him today! They allowed me to read them, and it made me happy to read his words, even if they weren't meant for me. He spoke of us getting married too, which made me even  happier to see! I ate my dinner there, then watched a movie with Matt's mom until about 1:00 AM haha.
Tip of the day: Stay positive, and stay busy. Time will go by so much faster than you would have ever thought if you keep your mind busy! Don't let the little things get you down, think forward - about what good is coming in your near or far future!
As I said, Stay positive!

Friday, April 26, 2013

Day 52 of boot camp

I got up, but allowed myself to stay in bed longer than I probably should have. I eventually got up, got dressed, fixed my messy bed head, and headed to class. Biology was nothing to brag about today, pretty boring day if you ask me. After that I stopped by a couple stores to get gift bags, and Mother's day presents for my mom and Matt's mom. After a little bit of searching I finally found what I was looking for! I came home, then pretty much immediately went back out to get my sister some food from Chipotle. On my way home I got the mail and found a letter from Matt! I think it was from a while ago though, because it went over things that we talked about already in his last letters. He said he hoped it got to me at the same time as those letter, but obviously it did not. I then finished up my letter to Matt before hurrying to get ready for work - then running out the door so I would have enough time to stop by the post office and make it to work on time. Work wasn't s tho bad, it was pretty slow, actually. I got to come home early, and so I finished up some homework for my film class. When I got on the computer I was happy to find a picture of Matt uploaded to the site that is being run for his platoon! It's so nice to see him, even if it's only though pictures. He's just as handsome as I remember before he left (not that I doubted he wouldn't be haha). He looks so good in that army uniform and I can't wait to see him in person! I got that done pretty quickly, and now I'm watching TV with my family and writing this. I plan to get a head start on some more school work, then  do some pilates before heading to bed.
Tip of the day: Plan things out as much as you can, and get things done as soon as you can. Procrastinating  and putting important things off with only stress you out even more, and Lord knows if you're in the same boat I am - you're an emotional bomb just waiting to be set off at any second. Don't set yourself up for disaster! Make sure you know what you need to get done, and when you need to get it done by - I promise it will make you feel so much better to have things all figured out.
Stay positive! I only have 2 weeks and a couple days left - This time is going to fly by :)

Thursday, April 25, 2013

Day 51 of boot camp

Day 51 began around 9:00 AM. I packed up Matt's cell phone, and got it ready to send down to him in South Carolina. I got dressed and then headed out the door. I spent the rest of my day on the couch, catching up on homework while waiting until I absolutely had to get up and get ready for work. The mail came around 3:30 and I rushed out to check it. No luck today either, but I didn't let it get me too down. I got ready for work and drug my feet out the door and into my car. Tonight was our Brazilian Wine Dinner. The man who was supposed to speak about the wine was more than an hour late, and I didn't get any free food which I was hoping for since we got dinner last time. I planned for the rest of the weekend, and went home around 8:40 PM. On my way home I noticed the beautiful moon, and found myself wondering if Matt was looking at the moon too. That's the nice thing about the moon; wherever you may be, you are always looking up at the same moon. I heated up some left overs and then went down stairs to my room. I put away some laundry, and then for some reason decided to open my box of letters from Matt and read. I would read some, then write some in my own letter to Matt. I started thinking of all the things I miss about Matt - pretty much anything you can think of I miss. This made me tear up, so I read more of his letters, which made me cry even more, and then eventually my cheeks and hands were covered in black mascara from wiping away tears so I could see clearly enough to continue reading. In one of Matt's letters to me he mentioned a song that played a lot in the buses whenever he'd have to get on one. I found the song, and that lead to playing even more love songs. These songs helped the tears fall even more. I guess I just needed a good cry. I miss Matt so much, and all that emotion couldn't stay bottled up any longer. Out of the corner of my tear filled eye I saw a nasty bug run (yes, run) into my room. I couldn't let it just roam around - what if it got in my clothes, or my bed?! So, I ran up the stairs as fast as I could and grabbed a tennis shoe - and then I killed that little sucker. I guess I should thank the bug though, because he got me to stop crying. Too bad he's dead now. Hopefully his friends don't come seeking revenge. I finished up my letter to Matt, and changed the music from sad love songs to random classic rock songs (my favorite). I'll get a shower in then head off to bed so that I can face the long day ahead of me tomorrow. A 6 hour Biology class, then work ... sounds fun doesn't it? Yeah I don't think so either, but it has to be done.
Tip of the day: Just get a good cry out. Everyone needs a good cry once in a while, and if you're stressed, or missing someone like I am - you'll need a good cry a little more than every once in a while. It's nothing to be ashamed of, I think it helps you! So, go ahead and cry. Maybe once it's been long enough a bug will come in the room so that you can kill it, and stop crying like I did! Who knows!
Stay Positive! You're getting closer and closer!

Day 50 of boot camp

I got up early, hurried to get dressed, and find at least something to eat, then I headed out the door to an Elementary school for observations. Luckily I left early, because of course I got lost. I eventually made it though, and then waited for about 30 minutes for the teacher I was supposed to meet. The day went well though, I sat in a 3rd grade classroom and the kids seemed to really like me. On my lunch break I took a long walk around a huge beautiful pond across the street from the school, then I sat and wrote to Matt until it was time to go back. It was such a beautiful day out, and I just couldn't help but think of how nice it would have been if Matt could have been there with me. It makes me happy to know that I have him to miss though, I don't know what I'd do without that man! It's hard to be away from him, but it won't be forever  and I'm so glad that after this short time apart, we will be together forever. My day there ended around 2:30, then I made my way home. Before going inside I checked the mail to find nothing, not that I really expected anything because I know he's super busy this week - but I check anyways, just in case :). I finished my letter to Matt, sealed it up, got dressed in comfy clothes, then headed back out the door. I dropped off my letter at the post office, and then headed to Matt's house as I do every Wednesday. His mom, brother, and I went to the dollar store for some things to put in a shoe box to send to soldiers across seas. It was a project his brother was assigned to do for school, and I think it's a really sweet idea. After that we went to pizza hut, and I ate way too much pizza! I guess that can be allowed sometimes though. We stopped at Walmart afterwards, then got home just in time before it started pouring. We hung out for a while, and I went home around 10. I jumped on the treadmill for 30 minutes, then tiredly went to bed.
Tip of the day: Find something that you like doing that keeps you busy, and make it routine (like me working out), and no matter how tired you are, don't give up on doing it! If you miss one day, that could lead to missing more days!  If you want results, then you can't blow it off.
Stay positive!

Tuesday, April 23, 2013

Day 49 of boot camp

Today started around 9:00 AM when I finally got out of bed. I got dressed, did my hair and got my school books together. After that I stopped by the post office to mail a letter to Matt, and then got some Clif bars from the grocery store across the street. I finally finished everything I had to do, and made my way to class. After my Education class I went off to the mall in search of the perfect shoes to match my wedding dress. I had $10 off at DSW, and luckily I found the shoes. I picked out about 4 different boxes of shoes, and when going to put them back they somehow exploded and shoes went everywhere. I didn't see anyone stare at me, but I was embarrassed anyways haha. I picked up the mess as fast as I could and hurried to check out. So now I have the dress and the shoes - perfect! After a little shopping I drove back to school for my last two classes of the day. I found a pretty good parking spot, and got some coffee before walking awkwardly behind a girl who was going way to slow up the stairs to my History class. Class went by fast enough, and I walked across the hall to my British Lit class. That's my long class, but it surprisingly wasn't too bad. I got home around 8:00 PM and ate some leftovers for dinner. I cleaned my room, got laundry together, got some cardio in on the stationary bike, then did some pilates. Now I'm sitting on the couch in my basement watching MTV and typing this before I go shower. I felt sad at the begginning of the day, still missing Matt - but as the day progressed I got happy when missing Matt instead. I thought of how happy I will be to finally see him again, and how wonderful it will be to get to hug him, kiss him, and just have a face to face conversation with him! I really just miss being able to talk to him every day! It's coming soon though - 3 weeks left until we're finally reunited! Since we've been apart I've realized how fast time goes by - and that's why I'm so excited, because I know this time will go by so fast!! Before, days used to be so long - then weeks seemed long, but now if someone told me I wouldn't be able to see Matt for a week I would be so thankful, because a week is nothing compared to these months I've been without him, and even months aren't so bad - because I know I won't be able to see him for another 4 months after this. This is really hard, I won't sugar coat it - being away from my best friend, and soon to be husband is the hardest thing I've ever had to do, but if you sit down to think about it - who cares about the pain, and the crying?! Who cares if you're sad for a little while... because you will get to spend the rest of your life with this person you're waiting for and crying about missing. And, for me at least, that is so worth the waiting, emotional nights, and seemingly impossible days. Matt is the best thing that has ever come into my life. He makes me a better person, and really makes me just appreciate so many of the little things and life. I love him more than anything, and I am so thankful for him.
Tip of the day: Sit down and think. Think of why you're sad. You're sad because you feel lonely and you miss your loved one right? Well why do you feel sad and miss them? Because you're waiting for them. Why are you waiting for them? Because you love them. And why do you love them? That's for you to answer ... and if all of your answers to these questions match up with what I said - then the wait is worth it and you're doing the right thing. Sitting down and thinking about this will clear your mind, and hopefully make you feel better. And you should feel better - because you're strong, and not everyone is strong enough to do what we are doing. Remember that.
Stay positive!

Monday, April 22, 2013

Day 48 of boot camp

I woke up kind of early today, and stayed on the couch for a big part of my day doing homework, and just relaxing. Around 3:00 PM Lindsey came over, and we headed off to her doctors appointment. I sat and waited, then the two of us went out for dinner at a small Vietnamese place. After that she dropped me back at home,and I went to check the mail. I got a letter today! I knew I would though, because Matt had mentioned it on the phone Sunday. I was happy to hear from him never the less. I sat in the kitchen, and happily read. Once I had finished, my mother, sister, and I went for a long walk. I ended up speed walking, and lost them pretty quickly. I made it home about 10 or so minutes before them, and started writing back to Matt. While writing I started to feel sad and empty. I miss him so much, I just want the wait to be over. We're getting very close to graduation day now - and I just can't wait to finally see him again! I still feel a little sad, I just keep picturing his voice, his smile, his face, his laugh, his everything. I want nothing more than to be with Matt right now, but I just have to suck it up and wait until I can. I'm now sitting, back on the couch, watching Monday night TV shows, and missing Matt - oh and I'm freezing my butt off because for some reason it's cold at the end of April. I hope it warms up soon, warm weather usually brings happier moods - and I could use that right about now. I've tried my best to keep busy today, but it seems that it didn't do much good. I guess if you miss someone enough, nothing can get your mind off of them, and scare the sadness away - I've definitely learned that.
Tip of the day: I'm really not sure what to say about today, for nothing seemed to help my loneliness. I suppose we will just have days like theses, where we just have to deal with the pain, and wait for the rain cloud to pass. The rain cloud will pass too, don't you worry about that.
Stay strong and positive! You're a day closer to seeing your loved one.

Sunday, April 21, 2013

Day 47 of boot camp

This morning I woke up from the sound of the alarm on my phone. I laid on the couch for a while watching morning TV shows with Matt's little brother when their home phone rang. I listened intently, just in case it was Matt calling. The phone went to voice mail, and then turned off. Shortly after the Rocky theme song started blaring from my cell phone speakers. I looked down to see the South Carolina area code. I quickly hit "answer" and said Hello. It was Matt! My wonderful fiance was on the other end of the phone for the second weekend in a row. I was so beyond happy and excited. It was still so hard to hear him, so we decided to hang up, and have him call his house phone back so I could pick that up. Less than a minute later the home phone rang and I picked it up right away. Matt's step father was walking through the kitchen so I told him to wake Matt's mom up so she could talk to him too! I realized we'd have plenty of time after Matt said he had a whole 20 minutes to talk today! While talking, Matt's mom picked up the other phone and all 3 of us got to talk! Before I knew it Matt said he had only one minute left. His mom got off the phone to allow us to say our goodbyes. I told him I loved him, and he told me he loved me more. Then we had to say goodbye. I hung up the phone, and Matt's mom walked in the room. I sat with tears running down my cheeks, then she asked if I was crying and I began to sob while saying "yes". She came over to give me a hug and I explained that I just miss Matt so much. It's so hard to hear his voice, but not be able to see him. It makes me feel like he is so much closer than he actually is. I wiped my tears away though, because there are too many reasons to be happy. I got a call on our anniversary, it lasted about 20 minutes!, I got a letter the day before, I got to update him on the wedding - and get some opinions, etc etc! I got dressed, and put on my face so that we could all leave to go out to breakfast. It was me, Matt's mom, my mom, and Matt's younger brother. The moms got to talk wedding, and we all got good food. After that I headed home to meet Linds, and then she, my mom, my sister, and I headed out wedding dress shopping! We got there after a long and slightly confusing car ride, and then the fun began! My consultant pulled many dresses, all of which looked good - but one really stood out to me. Of course, the most expensive one. I won't describe it, because I want it to be a surprise on my wedding day, but let me just say it is amazing, and I look amazing in it! I even found the perfect veil to go with it! After my whole outfit was put together I stood in front of the large mirror and starred at myself. I looked beautiful. The dress was everything I had pictured it to be, and I just had to have it. I decided that was "the" dress, and I got to close my eyes, make a wish, and ring a bell - it's ritual. The whole wedding shop applauded and I stood and soaked it all in with a smile on my face. I got changed into my regular clothes and then it was time to look for some bridesmaids dresses. Morgan, my sister, went with a long and elegant dress, and Lindsey went with a short and adorable one! They both looked great, and that got me even more excited. Now Matt's sisters, and Lindsey daughter just have to find their perfect dresses and my ladies will be set! I also found out that Matt's best friend, Rob will be one of Matt's groomsmen, which is awesome news! Matt's mother and I will go out and find all matching ties for the guys soon! Everything is coming together so perfectly, and I couldn't be happier.This is so exciting, and I'm so glad I now have something else to keep my mind busy while my best friend, and soon to be husband is away.  After shopping Lindsey and I went out for dinner, and stupidly sat outside on this chilly, and windy day. We definitely had fun though, whether we were freezing or not. We went our separate ways after that, and my mother, sister and I went on a long much needed walk. I have to keep in shape for my September wedding!! Since then I've been hanging out, doing some homework, and looking up some more wedding ideas. I just finished up a very long letter to Matt that I will send out tomorrow morning. It seems as though it takes a while for him to get my letters. I wish that he would receive mine as fast as anyone else would, but I know this is not possible since he is in boot camp. Pretty soon we'll have to stop sending letters all together, and just wait until it is time to go see him for his graduation.
Tip of the day: Go out with your close friends and have some fun! Whatever you may get into, make sure there are plenty of laughs and loads of fun. It will help to one, lift your mood, and two, keep you busy! The best thing to do during this time apart from your loved one is to keep busy as possible. I won't lie, no matter how busy I am - Matt is always on my mind, and every little thing reminds me of him and makes me wish he were here - but it keeps me happier than I would be if I were all alone missing him.
Stay positive! - that's the very best thing you can do.

Saturday, April 20, 2013

Day 46 of boot camp

This morning I woke up and got ready quickly so that my mother and I could go out. We started at the bank, then headed to a place to figure out what size tent and tables to rent for our reception. After that we met a florist and talked flowers for the wedding. She was so nice and helpful! I can't wait to work with her more. When we left her shop we talked to a guy about catering the wedding. It seems like we're getting everything figured out, and it's working perfectly! I'm so excited and happy! When we finally finished all of that we went out to lunch, which was ver nice. Then we came home and measured the backyard to see where a tent would fit. Good news - it will fit just fine! While getting ready for work the mail came!! I ran outside, down the hill, and to the whit box. Inside were two envelopes waiting for me! My face immediately lit up with joy and I sprinted back inside. As soon as I opened the door I yelled "got one!" to my mom sitting at the kitchen table. I took in the center of the kitchen and read my letters. I noticed one was addressed to "my girl" and my smile grew about as large as it could grow. I stood there glowing, and reading for a little while. Then I finished my letter to Matt, making sure to answer everything he said in his letters. I rushed to the post office, and then to work. It was a busy night, and a huge headache made it's way across my forehead. As soon as I got off work I hurried home to shower, and get ready to leave for Matt's house to spend time with his family. Today was such a busy day, and I'm in no way exaggerating when I say I'm worn out. I am so thankful that I got a letter from Matt today, it made my crummy week so much better!
Tip of the day: start your days off early and energized, then keep busy till you can't keep busy no more! The day goes by so much faster. Oh and stay positive! Yesterday I was so sad because I was missing Matt so very much, and desperately wanted a letter from him - and look, today I got two!
Like I said, stay positive!

Friday, April 19, 2013

Day 45 of boot camp

Today has seemed so long too. What happened to my days going by fast?! I guess they seem faster when I'm in a better mood. It's been pretty crappy weather all day, we even had a tornado watch earlier. My 8:00 AM 6 hour long Biology class seemed to drag on forever, and I was in no mood to deal with the immaturity level of everyone in that class. Somehow I made it through alive, and got home around 2:00 PM. I hopefully walked down to the mail box to ... find nothing. Again. I slowly drug my feet back up the hill in my front yard until I got to my garage. I stood there next to my car for a second, leaned against it and cried. I didn't cry as long or as hard as yesterday, but I just couldn't hold back the teachers when I saw I had no letter from Matt yet again. I spend all day thinking, and wondering about Matt - then I get hopeful for some sort of contact from him. It's been over a week now since I last got to read his words, and it has not been a fun week what so ever! Luckily, there is about 3 weeks and a couple days left until his graduation! 3 weeks isn't so bad at all, the weeks seem to go by fast, just not the days. Like I've said before, I will remain hopeful for a letter. I'm already excited to possibly get one tomorrow. I may not though, it's actually most likely a good chance that I will not get a letter. Although I type this, and know it is unlikely - I will still get excited and hopeful like a little girl. I suppose that's a good thing though, I don't want to see the day i lose hope. I got ready for work, and before I left found out that my good friend Sarah had received the wedding present I bought for her and Josh and loved it! I'm not rich, but I did my best to find good presents! I'm so glad she liked them! I got to work a little early, and set up for dinner. The night was slow, and there wasn't much I could do to keep busy. I got to leave a little early at least! I came home to find my grandfather here once again to help my dad with a painting job this weekend. While I was gone my parents had apparently told him about the upcoming wedding this September. I know he worries about me, and he did tell me that, but overall he was supportive and I appreciate that a lot. I know I'm young, but I also know Matt and I will always take care of each other. We will be just fine, I'm sure of it! I love that man more than anything, and there is nothing more in this world that makes me happier than he does! I'm now watching ghost shows with my younger sister, waiting until I get too tired to keep my eyes open any longer. I hope to be able to fall asleep to the sound of the rain wiping against my small bedroom window, and the roof above me - that has to be one of the most relaxing noises in the world, and Lord knows I could use some relaxation.
Tip of the day: Keep yourself busy. Not busy to the point where you're overwhelmed and stressed - but busy enough so that you don't have the time to stand in your garage and cry. I don't even have time for that myself, but somehow it happens. "Shit happens"  - I know you've heard that before, and it's true. It happens, and it ends, and you end up fine.
I've got about 25 days left! That's it. Wow.. that's it? That's it!
I know this time will go by fast, and I'm feeling so excited just thinking about it! I love how just the thought of seeing Matt again, can turn a bad day better. I'm so lucky!
Stay positive! And never let yourself lose hope!

Thursday, April 18, 2013

Day 44 of boot camp

Today started off pretty blah. I woke up not feeling well, but still made myself get up and get ready for class. I stopped on the way for some coffee, assuming I would not be rushing to get there. For some reason 15 was all blocked up, and I in fact ended up rushing to get to class on time. My luck there were no parking spots close to my building at all. So, I drove all the way across campus and found ONE parking spot. I quickly turned in, already 5 minutes late to class. I will admit I even noticed I was a bit crooked, but if I'm able to get out of my car fine with my long doors - it isn't that bad, trust me! Class went fine, it was actually fun and got me laughing. On my way back to my car it started to rain, and as I walked it started to rain even more. I was pretty much soaked by the time I got to my car. I put my bags in the passenger side, and went to sit down behind the wheel when I saw a piece of paper stuck in my windshield wipers. I stopped, halfway seated in mid air, and stood back up to grab the note. My first thought was that someone left me a nice note on my car, maybe a friend. NOPE! I opened the piece of lined notebook paper and written quite largely was " you park like an ASS " - in messy handwriting might I add. I smiled, sat down, then got angry. It really irks me that this person - who has no idea who I am or what my morning was like - took the time to write something mean on a stupid piece of paper and put it on my car. I don't understand people sometimes, it's like they want to be mean. I mean, obviously this person knew this note was not a nice one. I suppose I shouldn't pry on it so much though, it's in the past now. Anyways, I finished up some studying before History, then headed back into the building for that class. Turns out we didn't have a test, so I didn't need to study - It can't hurt though so whatever! After class I jumped in my car, and quickly drove home. As I got closer and closer to my house the butterflies in my stomach began to grow, and I felt very nervous. I was hoping to find a letter today when I made my drive by the mailbox. I even sent a text message to my family to make sure they left the mail alone so I could see if I got anything or not. I feel more sure when I see for myself. Sadly, there was no letter. I put my car in park right in front of the mail box, looked through the envelopes in my lap one more time just to make sure I didn't miss anything, then buried my face in my open hands and cried. I decided the side of the street was not a good place to cry, especially because people were walking their dogs right beside me. I drove around to my driveway, opened the garage, parked my car again, and sat and cried some more. About 10 minutes went by when I decided to suck it up and go inside. 10 minutes wasn't actually enough time, so I walked downstairs to my room. I stood in front of my dresser looking at all the pictures of Matt sitting atop it and cried some more. Then I sat on the floor, hid my face in a towel, and cried even more. After a little while of that I changed into comfy clothes, stood in the back pantry looking for something to eat, and cried a little more. I picked up a can of soup, and decided I should stop crying. I slugged back up the stairs and made my dinner. After that I went for a long walk with my mom, and we got to talking about the wedding - which cheered me right up. I've been in a better mood ever since. My best friend Lindsey stopped by for a little bit tonight. Aubrey was fast asleep in her car seat, so the two of us sat on the hood of her car with a blanket and talked for about an hour. Eventually Linds had to go, so we hugged goodbye and I came back inside. I'll finish my night with some pilates, a shower, and hopefully I'll fall asleep fast. Tomorrow is a new day - and maybe I'll get a letter then! Maybe I shouldn't get my hopes up - but I probably will anyways.
Tip of the day: Everyone has their bad days - everyone. Don't worry if you have one of these days, it happens. Don't let it get you too down though - go ahead and cry, let it all out, but then pick yourself back up and stay strong!
Stay positive! This time will be over before you know it!

Wednesday, April 17, 2013

Day 43 of boot camp

It's Wednesday - the week is halfway over! Actually it's Wednesday night, so the week is more than half way over. Weeks are definitely seeming to go by faster now, and I'm SO glad. I woke up this morning, showered, got some coffee in me, and hung out with my mom for a while. I chose some 'favorite' wedding dresses online so that the women at the shop will have an idea of what I want before I get there this Sunday. How exciting! After that I taped up a box full of wedding presents for Sarah, and sent them on their way! I headed off to Matt's house when I was finished with that and his mom and I took a long walk around a park while chatting away. It was a very nice walk and talk. After that we headed back home and waited for Jesse, Matt's younger brother, to get home from school. Once he got home the two of us played a game of basketball (I won just in case you were wondering) before it was time to take a trip to Walmart! When the Walmart trip was over we went back home, and I played basketball with Jesse once again while his mom got dinner ready. We sat together and ate while watching Wheel Of Fortune, then played badminton outside for about an hour. It started to get dark, so Matt's mom headed inside. Jesse turned on the flood light and we played soccer for about another hour - which is fine with me because I absolutely love soccer! I beat him at this game :). Jesse then decided he may want to play soccer, and be a goalie. I think that's great, maybe he will find something he really likes! After I sweated my butt off running around the backyard, and got my head all dirty by heading a wet and grass soaked soccer ball, we ended our game and went back inside. Since I was in the basement already I walked into Matt's old bedroom, turned on the light, and made my way around looking at everything that is still sitting up. Workout equipment  pictures of me, some things I made/gave to him, and other randoms filled the quiet room. It still smells like him. I miss that smell. I wanted to cry right then and there, but I didn't. I sucked up my feelings, turned the light off, and walked out of his room and up the stairs to sit with his family once more. A little while after, we said our goodbyes, and I headed back to my house. While driving home I thought to myself that I am just ready to see Matt again. I mean, I've been ready ever since he left, but I am sooooo ready now! I'm ready to be able to talk to him again, I'm ready to be able to hug and kiss him, I'm ready to just be able to look at him! I still have quite a few days and weeks left, and I will continue to patiently wait until I am able to be with him again - but I'm just saying, I'm ready now!
Tip of the day: Go play something outside! The weather is starting to get nicer (at least here it is), and hey, everyone could use a little exercise! It'll keep your mind busy, and your heart pumpin'!  You may as well try and be in good shape for your soldier's homecoming - I'm sure they'd like that!
Stay positive! You're another day closer!

Tuesday, April 16, 2013

Day 42 of boot camp

My day started at about 8:30 AM. I got up, got dressed for school, and deposited a check before getting to school. After my first class I went to the mall. I bought myself a Blue Oyster Cult CD, and some wedding presents for my soon to be married friend, Sarah! I'll hopefully get that shipped out tomorrow so she'll get it as soon as possible. After shopping I headed back to school for my last two classes, then got home around 7:30 PM (and that's only because I got out of my last class early). Once again, today has been a long day - but some how hasn't seemed as long as yesterday. I heated up some left overs for dinner - not my favorite, but I'll take what I can get - then began my speed walk on the treadmill. After I finished that, I recovered by laying on the floor and drowning my insides with water. I hate how out of breath I get, but that's one of the down sides of asthma. After that I relaxed out the couch, watched some TV, then started some pilates. Now  I'm on the couch again, writing this. I'm hoping to hear from Matt soon, I don't really expect to because it hasn't been that long since the last time I heard from him, and I know he's busy - but a girl can still hope. Today I found myself almost constantly thinking about Matt. I miss him more than anything, and I wish I didn't have to wait anymore - but he's worth it. There's no doubt in my mind that he's worth it. There is no one else I'd rather be with, so the only choice I have is to wait patiently until we can finally be together again, and that's perfectly fine with me. We're down to the 20's now, with 29 days until I can see Matt again! I'm thinking the last few undoubtedly busy weeks of school with help the time to fly by so I won't be too anxious while waiting for this time to finally be over with.
Tip of the day: Go shopping - I suggest window shopping. It's almost just as fun to window shop as it is to spend money and it wastes time too! So, you get some of the fun of shopping without wasting money! Time is ticking by, some days slower than others - but it's ticking by non the less! It's hard, but Matt's worth it.
Stay positive! I'm in the 20's now, where are you?

Monday, April 15, 2013

Day 41 of boot camp

Day 41 has been a long one. I woke up around 9, finished some letters for Matt and headed out the door to send those out. After that I went back home and put some finishing touches on two papers that are due tomorrow. Around 12:30 Lindsey and Aubrey came over and we hung out for a little before taking Aubrey to the doctors. My poor God daughter had to get two shots, but she was a trooper, and she pulled herself back together and was in a great mood for our lunch date. After lunch Lindsey dropped me back off at my house. I hugged her goodbye and she and Aubrey went back home. My allergies have been particularly bad this week, so I am exhausted to say the least. I stretched out on the couch and fell asleep for a couple hours. I woke up a couple times, but really got up around 8:00 PM. I made myself a cup of coffee and a bowl of cereal.  Now my parents and I are watching TV and I'm typing away on here. Although I didn't type much above, let me tell you - it has been a LONG day. Ever since I got that call from Matt it seems as though I miss him even more (if that is even possible)! I just wish I could talk to him more, but that is impossible.  Luckily, we only have a month left until we are reunited for at least a couple days, and then he'll have his phone and be able to talk to me a little more often. That will be so nice. My mother told me today that we have an appointment at a bridal shop this Sunday at 1:30. I'm so excited! It's a little difficult to plan things out without Matt to talk to, but at least I can pick out a dress.
Tip of the day: Take a little time for yourself, and take a nap or something. Take some down time to just relax and clear your mind. I can't guarantee it will make you feel better, but it did help me some.
Stay positive! You've been strong all this time, there's nothing that can stop you now!

Sunday, April 14, 2013

Day 40 of boot camp

1 month left!! I'm hoping this month goes by super fast. My morning started off perfectly, and you may be wondering why. I got woken up around 7:40 AM with a phone call. This wasn't just any phone call though. I picked up and said "Hello?" in a groggy morning voice. On the other end of the phone I heard a familiar voice say "Maddie?". I swear my heart melted when I heard that. It was Matt! I finally got a phone call! It was so hard to hear him. He sounded so far away, and half of the time his words were muffled. We started talking about a bunch of random things, and after a minute I realized I hadn't told him I loved him yet. I stopped whatever what I was saying and said "I love you". Matt stopped our conversation too, and replied with "I love you more". I can still hear his words echoing in my mind. Our phone call seemed to end way too quickly, before I knew it Matt told me he had to go. I said I love you about 5 more times before we had to end our call. I stayed on the phone until I heard his end of the line click off. I waited for a second then put down my phone too. As soon as I did that the water works started. I laid there on the couch with my hand over my face crying until there were no more tears. I hung out at his house for a little longer talking wedding with his mom. Around 10:30 I left and came home to go out with my sister. The two of us drove out to the movie theater and saw the new GI Joe movie. As soon as we sat down my mind started spinning with thoughts of Matt. He and I would go to the movies all the time, I never went with anyone else. Sitting in the theater watching the previews brought back so many memories of sitting there with him. The movie previews even made me think of him, because I wished that we could go see those movies together, but he will still be gone when they come out. I didn't think of this ahead of time, but this whole movie was about GI Joe's who were part of the Army. So, during the whole entire movie I was thinking about, and missing Matt. I even almost cried when one of the men died. I know Matt will not be in the same crazy situations as these people, but it still made me think of him. After the movie we went to the mall to buy Morgan some dress clothes. We made it home just in time for dinner, and after that my sister, mother, and I went for a long walk. I've spent the rest of the night sitting on the couch finishing up some things for school. As the night gets later I find myself thinking more and more about Matt, also probably because I'm typing about him now. I just miss him so much, and I feel like we did not get nearly enough time to talk on the phone this morning. I just wish that he could be here now, but I know he cannot so I must toughen up until I can finally be with him again.
Tip of the day: keep your mind clear. When you're missing your loved one remember, there isn't much you can do about it right now, and it will be over soon enough. You're loved one is far away being strong, so you must stay strong while you are back home.
Stay strong and positive!

Saturday, April 13, 2013

Day 39 of boot camp

I got to sleep in today, which was nice. I woke up, did some pilates then went upstairs to have some much needed coffee. After that Morgan and I took a long walk around our neighborhood. Once we got home we cleaned up and went to the store to buy some healthy strawberry smoothie essentials. We made lunch, drank our smoothies, and sat around for a little while. I got dressed for work and waited for the mail arrive. The mail finally arrived and I hustled out the door. Not that I really expected a letter since I had just received one the other day. I was correct, and I did not receive a letter today. It's okay though, because like I said I had just  got one yesterday. I finished up my letter to Matt, then once it was time to head off to work I stopped by the post office to mail it. Work went by pretty fast. It was a fairly busy night with a lot of large tables, so I kept busy. I arrived to Matt's house and quickly showered before his family and I sat down to eat Chinese food for dinner. His mom and I talked about the upcoming wedding while we ate, and I was very happy to have her support for us. We're all now lounging comfortably in the family room while watching a pawn show on TV. I'll sleep here tonight as I usually do. I'm so glad I am so close with them!
Tip of the day: Don't think about the sad things so much, like how much you miss your loved one, but think of the happy things like when you'll get to see them and how happy the two of you will be to be able to see each other and talk to each other again! Being sad will do you no good, trust me.
Stay positive!!

Friday, April 12, 2013

Day 38 of boot camp

Day 38 has been a long one, and I have to say I'm glad it's over. I let myself sleep in a little this morning and headed off to my Friday class in the pouring rain. I don't like driving to begin with, and then I had to drive in the pouring rain with about 10% visibility at one point. I got to class just in time. We even got to leave early because we had a test. I arrived home around 12:00 PM and decided to go for a jog/walk. I can't really jog for long periods of time because of my asthma so I would switch off between a brisk walk, and a faster paced jog. I got home in about 45 minutes and relaxed until it was time to get dressed for work. After that I sat and waiting again. I was waiting to leave, and waiting for the mail to get here. It was about 20 minutes before I had to leave the house when the mail finally arrived. I hustled down to the mail box to find another letter waiting for me! I grabbed the mail, and like many other times sprinted back into the house. I stood in the kitchen and read each of the three folded up pieces of paper inside the envelope. Matt and I had spoke earlier of getting married after his AIT, which would be in September. I told him that I would definitely do this, and I had been waiting for his response to that. He's all for it too - so I'm now planning a wedding for this September! I can't believe it, but I am SO over joyed!! I want nothing more than to be with Matt, and after I finish up at FCC I will be able to go and live with him on base. Just typing about it  makes me smile and warms my heart. It's going to be hard to plan a wedding in 5 months, but I'm going to take on this challenge and succeed. I'm so excited!! Work was slow, and I had a headache - but that's pretty normal for Friday's. I got to come home early, and now I'm watching TV and typing away. I plan to do my nightly workout after this and write a letter to Matt - then I'll go to bed (maybe).
Tip of the day: Get some sleep - or as much sleep as you can. Lately I haven't been getting as much sleep as I should, and I can feel it weighing me down. I've been getting headaches more frequently, and I think the lack of sleep is one of the biggest reasons. You're mind is probably already stressed because you're missing your loved one, so do your best to lower the amount of stress so you can stay healthy!
Stay positive!!

Thursday, April 11, 2013

Day 37 of boot camp

Wow, we're getting closer to 40 now. That's a long time! Sometimes I take a step back and still can't believe Matt has been gone so long. I have no idea how I'm surviving, but I am - and that's good.
  This morning I woke up around 9, did my hair, got dressed, typed up a journal entry for my Education class, and then headed off to attend that class. After that I did some studying outside for History. The weather has been beautiful lately; warm, sunny, and a slight breeze too! As great as this weather is, my allergies have been acting up, thus causing a horrible headache today. Of course, I had taken my headache medicine out of my purse, so I decided to drive home. While driving my headache got even worse, and it seemed like it took me an hour to finally get to my house. Before parking I decided to check the mail, because well why not! The mail wasn't there yet. I took some migraine medicine and sat down for about 30 minutes until I headed back to school for my last class of the day. I noticed I was very tired on the drive back though, so I bought myself a $1.35 coffee from the cafeteria, then sat in a dark classroom for about 20 minutes, waiting for it to begin.  25 minutes into class and I found out I probably shouldn't have gotten that coffee. The caffeine in the migraine medicine, and the caffeine in the coffee had enveloped my whole mind and body leaving me feeling slightly crazy, and dizzy. I didn't feel the energy part of the caffeine overdose until after class was over, and then I drove home extremely impatient with the other drivers around me. I did my best to keep my cool while idiots slammed on their brakes for no reason, and switched lanes without turn signals (one of my biggest pet peeves on the road). I, and many others, made it home in one piece. I checked the mail once more to sadly find nothing for me (I'm still hoping for something tomorrow). I walked inside to my family standing in the kitchen waiting for me to come home so we could eat dinner. They heated left overs, and I ate the rest of my salad from last night until a stink bug landed on my head and ruined my appetite. After dinner my parents made a trip to Costco, and my sister and I took a long walk around the neighborhood. We got back around 8:00 PM, and both finished up some last minute homework. Around 9 I hauled my tired butt down stairs to do my nightly workout routine. My sister, Morgan, came down shortly after to steal one of my shirts to wear to school tomorrow - which is fine, she's not really stealing since I told her she could. I finished up my workout, showered, painted my nails, plucked my eyebrows, and now here I am in bed typing like I do every night. I'm going to be tired tomorrow.
Tip of the day: If you take, or drink something with caffeine in it, wait a little bit for that to kick in before taking or drinking something else with caffeine in it. Trust me, it's no fun. Keep your days as busy as you can without overloading yourself. When you're busy, your mind is busy - meaning you don't have as much time to sulk about missing your loved one. I have to admit, even while I'm keeping busy Matt is always on my mind, and most of the time I am talking about him. But, even so, talking to someone else about him is better than sitting alone, thinking about how much I miss him, and how much I wish we could be together at that moment.
Stay positive! Another week is almost done!

Wednesday, April 10, 2013

Day 36 of boot camp

HALF WAY THERE! 36 days down, 36 days to go! I'm getting so excited!
So, my morning began slowly. I woke up, got dressed, and sat upstairs with my mom for a couple hours until we headed out to lunch. After lunch I picked up my car from the shop and we headed home. I finished up some school work on the back deck while waiting for the mail to arrive. The longer I waited, the more I doubted that I'd get a letter. I'm not sure why I thought that way, I suppose I was just trying to make myself feel better if I were to be disappointed  My heart jumped, and my stomach rolled with every car that drove by. I can't tell you how many times I got out of my seat to look over at the mailbox, just to make sure I didn't miss the mail man, even though I had a clear view the entire time. I even walked down to the mail box 2 times before that - just to make sure. Finally, 2 hours late - the mail came! I shot out of my chair sped walked to the front door, and out I went. The mail truck hadn't even made it to the 3rd mailbox past ours when I grabbed the mail. I stood for a second to see if I had anything waiting for me. Sure enough I did! A little letter addressed to Maddison with an Army logo in the top left corner was waiting in the middle of the pile for me. My heart floated up to my face, spreading a big fat smile across it. I cradled the mail close to me, pointed my sock covered toes into the ground, and sprinted back inside. As soon as my hand touched  the screen door I exclaimed that I got a letter! I proceeded back to my spot on the back deck, sat down, and with shaky hands opened my letter. Inside were 3 pages filled with Matt's beautiful little chicken scratch. I read it, and then read it again just to take it all in. I finished up my final letter to include in the envelope I would send today, and taped it all up. I read his letter once again, just because I miss him to death, and then got in my car and headed off to the post office. After mailing my letters I drove to Matt's to hangout there, like I do every Wednesday. I helped Jesse with his homework, played some basketball with him, and then when he left to do some work with his dad, Matt's mom and I went for a long walk at a local park. We walked and talked until it was time for dinner. We picked up some salads and brought them home to eat on the deck. It was such a beautiful day, it would have been wrong not to be outside. After we finished eating we sat on the back deck for hours just talking and enjoying each others company. I'm not sure what brought this up, but at one point Matt's mom turned to me and said "Wow, you must love my son a lot". I replied with the truth, that I do ... I really really do. I love that man more than anything, and I would do absolutely anything for him. I left around 10:30 PM to come home and do my evening work out. After that I showered, and now I'm sitting in bed, writing, and listening to a disc made to teach me the Lithuanian language that Matt bought for me. I've heard if you listen to something while you sleep, it helps you remember it. I'm not too sure on that, but it's worth a try.
Tip of the day: Don't be a negative Nancy (like me) and just expect things to not go your way. Be hopeful - you'll feel better! Also, get together with someone who you can just talk to for hours and feel comfortable, it can actually be a lot of fun, and it will keep your mind busy!
Stay positive! No negative Nancy's allowed.

Tuesday, April 9, 2013

Day 35 of boot camp

This morning I woke up around 8:00 - but didn't actually get up until around 8:30. I got up, did my hair, got dressed and headed out the door to the bank. I finally deposited my pay check and filled my tank up before driving to school. Today was beautiful, about 80 degrees. It's hard to believe considering last week it was chilly! - but I can't complain. After class I made my way back home, stopping at Walmart to pick up a prescription  Before pulling into my driveway I stopped by the mailbox to find no letter from Matt. I wanted to cry, but I didn't. I held myself together and walked inside. I finished up some school work, ate dinner, then started my workout for the night. 30 minutes of yoga, and 30 minutes of pilates after that. I can definitely see results since I've started, and it makes me feel so good! I dropped my car off for an oil change, and to get everything checked tonight, hopefully I'll get that back tomorrow. I'm spending the rest of my night sitting comfortably in a brown leather recliner waiting for 12:00 AM so I can register for my final classes at my community college. I'm so excited to be finished! The sooner I'm done, the sooner I can be with Matt! I can't believe it's already been 35 days! I'm so so glad though, that leaves about 37 days to go - which shouldn't be too bad considering this time has already gone by so fast. I'm hoping for a letter tomorrow - we will just have to wait and see though!
Tip of the day: Keep positive! Maybe you haven't heard from your loved one in a week or more, but maybe tomorrow will be the day you do! And if not tomorrow, maybe the next day! Just because you don't hear from them today, doesn't mean you should break down and give up hope. They are BUSY! This is their career now, and they need to focus on what they are learning and doing - for their safety and the safety of those around them, so this is important!
Stay positive - you're a week closer to seeing your loved one by now!

Monday, April 8, 2013

Day 34 of boot camp

Today I woke up, hung around outside on my deck and waiting for Lindsey and Aubrey (my best friend and God daughter) to be ready to go to the park. Lindsey got to my house not too long after and we all grabbed some lunch and drove to the park for a picnic. It was so beautiful out today, it would have just been wrong not to spend time outside! After we ate and Aubrey played on the playground for a bit we took a walk around the park to try and burn off some of those calories. We walked and talked, and when we were done we headed to Walmart for a quick shopping trip. After that Aubrey got some messy strawberry ice cream from Jimmy Cone and we hurried back to my house to sit on the deck and eat it. About 30 minutes later Lindsey headed home. We said our goodbyes and I walked back up to the deck. I spent the rest of my night here finishing up some work and enjoying the weather. I had hoped for a letter today, but there was nothing in the box for me. I suppose that is what set off this sad feeling. That, and the fact that I have been longing for a phone call that I will probably not receive. I found out all the other platoons got to call home yesterday. All except Matt's. For some reason they all couldn't call, so they did not let any of them call just to be fair. It makes sense, and it is nice of them to do so - but I'm still upset I haven't been able to talk to him yet. I bet Matt was going to be allowed to call! I don't actually know - I'm just betting that's true. A couple minutes ago I finished up a letter to Matt, then found myself sitting with my head rested on my fist, staring at absolutely nothing with tears sitting in my eyes just waiting to fall. As soon as I realized what I was doing the tears fell. They fell, and more fell, and they didn't stop. I sat on the deck for about 5 minutes just crying. Crying because I feel lonely, because I miss Matt more than anything, crying because I am sad and I just wanted to cry. I picked up my phone and spilled my feelings to my closest Army fiance friend. Sarah has become such a good friend to me over this month, and I really don't know what I'd do without here! She answers all my questions, and knows just what to say when I'm feeling down. It's funny how you can make such good friends with someone who lives so far away, but she knows just what I'm feeling - and I know I can always count on her. I'll spend the rest of my night cleaning out my car before it has to go in the shop tomorrow, and doing whatever else needs to be done before I can go to sleep. I wonder what Matt's doing right now. Maybe he's studying. Maybe he got a letter from me today. Maybe he's writing to me. Maybe I'll get a letter tomorrow - or maybe I won't and I'll get my hopes up to be let down again. I suppose it's better to keep my hopes up than be gloomy all the time. I don't suppose actually, I know that's better.
Tip of the day: LIKE THE ARMY SUPPORT PAGES ON FACEBOOK, OR FOLLOW THEM ON TWITTER, OR JOIN THEM ON SOME OTHER SITE. I say this in all caps because IT HELPS! It helps so much! I promise. Do it, please! Talk to the girls or guys who you can relate to! It's for your own good and sanity, trust me! I don't know what I'd be doing without them. I'd be confused and going crazy probably!
Remember, no matter what - Stay positive!  You may feel sad and lonely today, but tomorrow is a new day - and you could feel excellent then! The glass is always half full, never half empty - just in case you didn't know that :)

Sunday, April 7, 2013

Day 33 of boot camp

This morning Matt's mother and I went to my church together. It was quite nice actually. I hadn't been there in around a year because I had been so busy working every Sunday at the grocery store. After that we hung out at the house and talked for a while until it was time to leave for Matt's step fathers grandmothers viewing.  We spent the rest of the day there, and then eating and hanging out and his mothers house. We headed home around 7:00 pm, and I headed back to my house soon after. We were told that we could be receiving a phone call today, so to keep our phones close. Of course this news got my hopes way up! Got my hopes too up to be honest. I spent the whole day nervous and anxious waiting for a call. Guess what? - No call. I suppose I should just stop getting myself excited. Supposedly the other companies and platoons got calls, I don't understand why we didn't! I just want to hear his voice so badly - it's been way too long! I'm hoping for a letter tomorrow, but I suppose I shouldn't get too excited about that either. Even though I say that - I will still get just as excited, I can guarantee that haha! I've been getting more letters since he's entered white phase, so I'm hoping that keeps up! I'll just have to wait and see though. After I got home I changed into comfy clothes and I've spent the rest of my night lounging on the couch and finishing up some homework so I won't have to worry myself with it tomorrow. Today was a long and exhausting day, and I'm soo ready for bed.
Tip of the day: I know that no matter what, you will get excited if you think you might be hearing from your loved one - I cannot tell you not to do that. BUT, when and if you're disappointing after not hearing from them try not to let it get you down too much. They are missing you just as much as you're missing them.
Stay positive!

Saturday, April 6, 2013

Day 32 of boot camp

This morning I woke up from dreaming of Matt. In my dream Matt came home early and surprised me at school. I sobbed and ran to him, then wrapped my arms tightly around him. Soon after, I woke up, and realized it was just a dream. I almost cried for real then; I miss him so so much. Being away from him is so hard; quite possibly the hardest thing I'll ever have to do - but Matt is so worth the wait. I know that when we are finally reunited it will be the best feeling in the world. Looking forward to that moment gives me so much hope and strength. I have an APP that keeps track of how much time is left until his BCT graduation - good news! We're in the 30's now!! Time is really going by faster and faster! I love it so much! I began my day by getting in a 30 minute pilates work out. That really helped to get me in a better mood. After that I showered and headed out to the door to run some errands. I stopped by the post office to drop off as letter, then went to Walmart to print a picture of Matt for myself, his mother, and his grandmother. While there I got Matt another birthday present - he's a lucky guy. I just can't help but buy him stuff! I headed home, got dressed for work, and off I went. Tonight wasn't so bad - I even got to leave early! Work helps to keep my mind busy, even though sometimes it makes me miss Matt even more. After work I drove to Matt's house and I am now relaxing on the couch watching TV with his family. I love how close I am with them, it makes me feel so much better while Matt is away. I'll spend the rest of my night hanging out here with them until I fall asleep here on the couch!
Tip of the day: First, I think everyone should make it a routine to work out at least a couple times a week. For one, it will keep you healthy, and it will release those endorphin's and lift your mood when you're feeling sad or lonely. Try and keep close with your significant other's family! Staying close with them will almost always help you to feel closer to your loved one!
Stay positive - every day is another day closer to seeing your honey!

Friday, April 5, 2013

Day 31 of boot camp

Today officially marks a month since I've last seen Matt. March 5th was when we said our goodbyes, and I've got to say the missing him part has not subsided the least bit. I am thankful for the letters I have received this past month though, without Matt's words of comfort and strength I don't know how I would be doing right now. My day began at 6:00am. I woke up to shower, then headed to school around 7 after dropping off a letter for Matt at the post office. School went on, and on, and on until about 12:00 pm (we got out early). I drove home, relaxed on the couch a bit, waited outside for the mail - to find no letter from my love, then got in a quick workout before getting dressed and going to work. I seat people at a restaurant, if I have not already mentioned that before. The night was steady with tables coming and going. I noticed one couple in particular tonight. The two were a married couple, about in their 40's I assumed. They sat at a table for two facing each other  and holding hands while talking, drinking, and eating. Watching how in love they were was such a nice sight to see. I felt a small smile grow on my face every time my eyes scanned the room, stopping on them. Hopefully no one noticed, because that could have looked creepy. I brought this couple up because watching them made me miss Matt so much more than I already did today. I miss going out to eat, and holding his hand across the table. I wonder if people saw us, and thought we were as cute as I found this couple to be. I think it's so weird how I'm handling this situation so well. I haven't seen Matt in a month! A whole month! I used to miss him like crazy after a day of not being with him. Of course I miss him way more than I ever missed him then after a day, but I'm actually doing okay. I suppose I should give Matt credit for that too, because like I said before - without his words of love, comfort, strength, and support I have no idea how I'd be doing. I guess I'm just trying to say I'm proud of myself. I have proved that I'm much stronger than I give myself credit for. I'd do anything for Matt, and being a little lonely and sad at times while missing him like crazy is a sacrifice that I'm more than willing to make - for as many times, and as long as I have to in order to spend the rest of my life with him. Moving on - the rest of my night progressed pretty fast. I told my boss he was mean today - is that allowed? I think it was okay that I said that.. who knows. I got home around 9:20pm to find one of my favorite salads waiting for me! That made my night a little better too! Also, my cat is playing with a dog toy right now. By himself. That makes my night a little better too haha! Unfortunately tonight, like most other nights, I have a headache. I'm SO glad I get to sleep in tomorrow. I plan to spend the rest of my night doing my nightly workout, and looking at girly things on Pinterest until I fall asleep. Good plan right?
Tip of the day: Like I've said before, keep busy. Keep busy, and I promise this time will go by faster. Appreciate the little things that make you miss your significant other more, but don't let them weigh you down. You're not alone, they are always with you in your heart and thoughts - they are just a little farther away than you are used to! 
Stay Positive! You're strong enough to get through this, I promise!  

Thursday, April 4, 2013

Day 30 of boot camp

Day 30! My day began slow, I woke up and relaxed on the couch upstairs while finishing up some upcoming projects that will be due soon. After that I got ready to leave for school, and decided to check the mail first. To my surprise, I got another letter! I sat in front of the mail box, with my car in park and quickly opened the surprise letter! Three pieces of paper were folded into this one small envelope. I sat there reading Matt's sweet words, while crying like a baby! These tears were happy, though. I was so overjoyed to read the kind, and loving words that Matt took the time to write to me. Sometimes I really cannot believe how lucky I am to have a guy like Matt love me so much. He brings out the good in me, and I can never thank him enough for that. I finished up my day by attending my last class, and then coming home to once again sit on this couch and finish school work. I swear this is not the only thing I do! I may seem boring, but I'm really not that bad, I swear haha. Tomorrow will make it exactly a month since I've seen Matt. A month without hearing his voice, seeing his face, having a real conversation... it sucks as bad as it sounds! That gives me about a month till I finally get to see him again, and I am beyond excited! Time is definitely going by faster than I first expected!
Tip of the day: Keep your head up! I promise you the time will go by fast, and if you're at the same point as I am right now you definitely already know that! Keep writing letters, whether you receive them or not. They don't call it snail mail for nothing. A letter from your significant other whether you are the one waiting or not can make a day so much better!
Stay positive :)

Day 29 of boot camp

Sorry I'm a day late, yesterday kept me pretty busy. I woke up early, and headed over to Matt's house to watch his younger brother on his last day of spring break. I worked on some school work while waiting to wake him up, and then we went out to lunch. After we got back home, I finished up that homework I had started earlier, then his brother and I played some basketball. He beat me... this time. It's finally starting to warm up, at least a little. I cannot wait for the weather to stay warmer! I wasn't expecting a letter yesterday, but I asked my mom if I received one of not anyways, and guess what - I did! I got an Easter letter from Matt! Wishing me a happy Easter, and asking me to save him some chocolate haha. At the end of his letter he wrote about looking at the full moon, and wondering if I was looking at that same moon that night. Funny thing is, I was! I remember looking at the moon and wondering if Matt was too! It was one of those times I really felt connected with him, it's so nice to feel that even while he's so far away. After Matt's mom got home we visited with her parents for a little before coming home and relaxing while watching a movie and Wednesday night TV shows. I headed home around 9:30 and finished my work out before passing out in my bed! I was pooped, and did not have the strength to write last night haha. Even though I received a nice letter from Matt yesterday, I still felt a sadness over me. Probably because reading that letter made me miss him so much more. I found it in me to pick myself and work out before bed, which made me feel a little better at least.
Tip of the day: Find a routine, something to do every day, and stick with it! Even while I was feeling sad and sluggish I still made myself get off my butt and work out, which resulting in me a little better, and took my mind of the sadness I was feeling before. If you have something like that, it could help to make you feel better too! So, find something of the sort - and stick with it!
Stay Positive, you're another day closer!

Tuesday, April 2, 2013

Day 28 of boot camp

28 days makes 4 weeks! Wow, 4 weeks already - I can't believe it! I love how fast this time is going by! Days are harder to get through without Matt, but the fact that I am getting closer and closer to seeing him makes life a little more bearable haha. I went to school today, that surprisingly went by fast too! I got home and relaxed on the couch for a little while before finally getting up and cleaning my messy room. I feel so much better when my room is clean - I should try to keep it that way. After this I plan to do my pilates work out before showering and heading to bed. Today I feel I should stress the importance of friendship. I've met several ladies via the internet whom are going through the same thing I am! One of the women's husband is even in the same platoon as Matt! I think it is a wonderful idea for everyone to try and find a military so's  support site and talk to the other girls or guys on there! They know exactly what you are going through, and it is much easier to talk to them then anyone else. I've made pretty close friends with one of the girls over this past month and I am so grateful for that! I don't know how I would be handling this situation with her support, and my support to her. Being able to vent to someone who COMPLETELY understands how you feel really helps. This leads me to my tip of the day: I'm basically repeating myself, but go and find a couple sites that are made for military significant others. Trust me, seeing that people are going through the same thing as you, and even talking to those people will make all the difference. That's one of the reasons I decided to create this blog; to give support and help to those going through the same or similar thing that I am. So, get out there and make friends!

Monday, April 1, 2013

Day 27 of boot camp

Today I had the pleasure of spending time with my best friend and god daughter all day. We hung out at the house for a bit, went shopping, got lunch, then strolled around down town Frederick to walk off that lunch. It was a very nice day with lots of laughter and smiles. I'm so happy that I have friends like that to cheer me up while I am missing Matt. I drove home and stopped by the mailbox on my way. Guess what! I got myself another letter! Matt apparently received all of the letters I sent from when he first left (I sent them a little while ago all in one envelope). He said they made him so happy, and that warmed my heart! One of the things he wrote really hit me though, he wrote of making a bucket list for things he wants to do after BCT, after the Army, and before he dies. He told me that #1 on this list was to "marry Maddison Lee Nelson". As soon as I read that line tears fell from my eyes. He's the sweetest man I've ever met, and I'm not quite sure what I did to deserve him, but I'm sure glad I have him!! Even though he is so far away, I feel closer to him than ever. I'm not really sure how that's possible. I haven't been able to really speak to him in 4 weeks, but somehow I feel so connected with him. I suppose part of that is because he's still here for me, making me happy, and feel comforted even while he's hours away without being able to see me or speak to me face to face. Letters are a beautiful thing. I believe it is so much more simple to write your feelings, thoughts, ect ect rather than speaking them. Reading Matt's words shows me how much he truly loves and cares for me. I'm repeating myself, but I really just cannot believe how lucky I am! 
Tip of the day: Think optimistically! The class is half full, never half empty. Things might get rough, but every single day brings you close to your loved one. Remember, you can never re-live yesterday, so make every day worth living! Don't waste your time being sad, waste your time being happy and thankful for what you have! :)  Stay positive!!