Tuesday, June 25, 2013


So recently, I have gotten my hopes up. Not out of the of the ordinary haha. I had hoped that this July 4th Matt would be able to come home for a bit and spend time with us. It took a couple weeks to find out the answer, and sadly that answer ended up being no. I mean, I expected it - we all expected it. But there was still hope left that I was not willing to let go of. There still is.. which makes no sense, but hey I'd rather have hope than be some emotionless blob. I'm so ready for this time apart to be done with, too bad there's still several months left until I will be able to see him again. So, I will suck it up and continue to wait with my head held high. Sometimes I just want to break down and cry, but what's the point in that? Crying won't bring Matt home any sooner - it will only make me more sad, and make him more sad if he knew I was crying. I cried a little bit over face time with him the other day, and I think he could tell, but I wiped away the tears and continued to smile. I have all the reason to smile, Matt is my #1 reason to smile. I miss him so very much, but at least I have him to miss, and I know that when he does get his leave we will be getting married. When I think of things that way I smile, and my heart smiles - and I feel so much better. Today I saw my friend Lindsey, and when I told her the sad news that Matt would not be coming back for a little in July she told me "I don't know how you do it" she told me she gets sad when she hears these things, and can't imagine how I feel. Truthfully, yes .. it sucks, but I feel so strong knowing that we can get through it, and we will get through it. It's NOT easy being away from the person you want to marry for so long. It's not easy at all. But we manage, and our love is stronger than ever. I don't know what I'd do without Matt! He keeps me strong and happy when it seems like nothing is going fairly. The truth is life isn't fair haha - I've definitely learned that! It's okay though, because although some things in life aren't fair, others are. Yes, it seems unfair that I can't see Matt at all until the fall - but then I think of how lucky I am to be marrying someone who I can trust with my life and feel so comfortable with. He's my best friend and soul mate, and although I can't be with him right now - I have the rest of my life to be with him! This rant has made me feel so much better.
Stay positive and strong - you can do anything you put your mind to.

Friday, June 21, 2013

Some more catch up - it's been a month already!

I haven't blogged in a while, I feel bad about it too! Not entirely sure if I have readers that miss reading - but  I sure do miss writing. I have been busy lately though, so I suppose I shouldn't be too hard on myself. It's already been over a month since Matt has been at AIT! - hard to believe, but time is flying by! Let's see, Matt's classes are still going well. He's been passing his tests and seems to be happy overall. They still go until about 1:30 Am, and yes I still stay up every single night to talk to him - even if it's only for a little. He's worth the tired days. I had a 3 week summer math class that just ended this past Thursday. This class was every week day from 9 to about 12:30. Not too bad, but math isn't my best subject (truthfully it's probably my worst subject). It was definitely a stressful 3 weeks, but I made it! I'm not sure on my final grade for the class, but I am extremely confident that I did not fail - yay! haha! So, what else is new.. hmm.. I've still been spending every Wednesday and Saturday at Matt's parents house. His older sister is there now too, and her son Vann! Visiting is even more fun and exciting with a crazy two year old running around! Oh!did I mention we got a new dog?! A little Lab-German Shepard mixed girl. She's all black with a little white on her stomach, and she's strong! Hopefully she'll become more well behaved as she grows up, but overall she's a good dog, and keeps my younger sister busy busy busy. I pretty much get to talk to Matt every day, not for long, but at least I get to hear from him each day. Both of our wedding bands have arrived in the mail, and are safely tucked away. His is an all black Triton ring, and mine is a small and beautiful white gold ring with alternating black and white diamonds - I can't wait till we can wear them!! We're still not sure when Matt will be coming home on leave, meaning we're still not sure when we'll be getting married - somehow the unknown isn't bothering me too much, and I thank God for that. I'm trying to think of new things - here's an exciting one! This past Wednesday I returned home around 10 Pm to find a package sitting on the table. I walked up and my eyes immediately centered on the returning address. The package sitting on the table was from PV2 Vollmer! My eyes then shifted to who it was for - of course me. My face lit up like the sun. I could feel my cheeks blush as I ripped open the package with trembling hands. Inside was a card, two magnets, and Matt's name tag. The magnets were cute ones that you'd get if you were traveling to a different state to remember where you've been. I opened the card and my eyes filled with tears as I read the sweet words. Happy tears, of course! This package was completely unexpected - and made me just about the happiest girl in the world! Matt is so sweet to me, and I just love him so much! I hope that he knows how much I appreciate him - I don't see how he couldn't know with the way I act towards him! I love that man more than anything in this world, and I am soo happy that I get to marry him. My life has definitely been blessed, and I hope it continues. Overall, AIT hasn't been so bad on my end. Yes, I get lonely - all the time. Yes, I cry sometimes - not a lot, but it still happens. And yes - I miss him more than anything, but overall I'm okay, and he's okay, and that's all that matters. We will be reunited soon enough, and I am looking forward to that every single day.
Stay strong and positive - this is hard, but it's definitely do-able.

Tuesday, June 4, 2013

Catch up

So, about those classes Matt was supposed to start. Tuesday Matt got to class and they turned him away because his identification card was not working. After turning him away they informed him that he would be held back about 3 more weeks. Well, that news sucked! I got a little teary eyed, but wiped them away and kept positive. No matter the amount of time Matt is gone I will always always wait patiently to be reunited with him, because I know eventually we must be reunited. The next day Matt decided to try again to fix his card, and guess what! This sergeant fixed it right away! I was over joyed with the news! Matt said he would try once again to go to class that night. I continued my weekly routine of going to his mom's house every Wednesday, and did not receive another message from him for the rest of that evening - meaning he was in class!! His class schedule goes from late afternoon till about 2 Am. So, the bad news we thought was reality is now changed, and he should not be set back those extra 3 or so weeks! I decided to stay up until he got back, and I have continued to do so every day since he has been in class - which is about a week now. It's a little tough to stay up that late - I run out of things to do while waiting - but I end up figuring something out! I barely get to talk to Matt at all during the week, and so I stay up late to at least talk to him a little before going to sleep. I miss him more at night; the day gets quieter, and my thoughts get louder. We've still got about 3 months left, maybe a little more until we are reunited with each other. If you think about it, that's not so bad. Even as I think about it in the moment it's not that bad. It's just kind of normal now that Matt is far away. It's just how it is. I'm not saying it's easy - it's NOT. I hate how this is normal that he's far away, every day I think about how I'd love to just hug him, and kiss him, and hold him, and tell him how much I love him - I can't wait until that day is finally here! I spend my nights wishing I were cuddled in his arms, and I spend my days wishing he was by my side keeping me company. When we do talk, it's usually quick, and full of "I love you's" - and I LOVE THAT. I have to say that the distance is not hurting our relationship one bit, in fact I feel even closer to him. It's not easy to stay strong, and happy, and madly in love while you are so far away from your loved one - but we're doing it! and we're doing it so easily. Every day Matt proves to me that he is the perfect man for me, and I only hope I do the same for him. I really am marrying my dream guy!
Now, let me get you caught up on what I've been up to while waiting for all this training to be over! I started back at school this past Monday. I go to FCC Monday through Thursday from 9 am - 12:30 pm. Even better - it's a math class! I'm kidding when I say "even better", because math is one of my worst subjects haha! It's actually not too bad so far. It's a little challenging, but my professor is nice and helpful which makes a huge difference! This class will run only 3 weeks, so I know it's going to fly by. Then I'll be finishing up my very last semester at FCC!
Remember to stay strong and positive - because really, that's the best you can do for yourself and others around you!

Monday, May 27, 2013

Memorial Day

So far AIT hasn't changed too much, Matt is supposed to be beginning his classes tomorrow - and I say supposed to because you never know with the Army haha! Today is memorial day, a day to remember those who have fought, and fallen for our freedom. It is also a day to remember, and think of those who are fighting for our freedom now. I couldn't help but feel a sense of pride that Matt, my fiance, is one of those men that people were thanking today. He's always been my hero, but now others think of him as a hero too - and I'm just so proud. I can't even put into words how proud I am!! - all I can do is keep saying I'm proud. I feel like that isn't good enough to describe my feelings, but it's so hard to put into words! I think you get the point though, I'M REALLY PROUD! The day went by fast and slow at the same time. Have you ever experienced a day like that? My morning started at around 9 something, sort of. I woke up at 9 something, but for some reason I didn't move an inch from my bed until around 11. I finally got up though, and poured myself a mug of coffee. While sitting at the kitchen table I got a surprise FaceTime call from Matt! I got up and moved to the other room, and then he hung up on me! haha! He got busy as soon as he tried to call me, so I then sat outside and waited for him to call back. Not long after I got another call, and he was sitting outside too! I could hear the birds chirping on his end, and I'm sure he could hear them chirping on my end too. It was really nice, and made my day so much better! We sat and laughed for a long while until Matt had to go. I then spent hours researching UMUC and what exactly I'll need to get done in order to get my BA in English. Now I know all the classes I need to take, well before I really need to worry about it. But, that's how I am. I'm a planner, and I like it that way! Since the army has taken away my planning privileges, I'll just have to plan everything else and be satisfied with that! I just like to be prepared, that's all. I think it's a good thing to do - to keep prepared. It keeps your mind clear and organized, and trust me, while your significant other is in the military, you're going to want to keep your mind organized! Matt got back late tonight and ever since he's been sending me the sweetest and funniest things! It's SO nice to be able to talk to him now. It helps sooo much. My heart would always ache at night while he was in boot camp. I'd miss him so much, but now the ache and the missing him is dampened because I am able to hear his voice, and read his sweet words every day. Matt makes me the happiest girl in the world. He really does. I still can't believe how lucky I am to have him! I wonder if I'll ever get used to that - no probably not. I'll forever be thanking God for the sweetest gift he could have given me, Matt.

Thursday, May 23, 2013

So far so good

So far AIT has been okay for me. I get to talk to Matt every night - even if it's just for a little, and we get to have small conversations throughout the day. He told me tonight that we will only be able to talk on weekends once his classes start. Obviously I'm no good at all when it comes to hiding my emotions because while I thought I looked normal, Matt told me to turn my frown upside down. At least I tried not to look sad.  I wish this weren't the case; I wish his days would continue to end around 5, but now they go till early hours of the morning. It is a good thing that he's in classes though, so he won't be set back even farther while waiting to get placed in a class. I'm thankful that things are moving along. But, as he said - we will only be able to talk on the weekends. Now what scares me about this is that I work weekends, so I won't be able to talk to him as much as I want. I guess I have to go back to giving myself pep talks every night and missing him even more! I know I'll be fine, but I guess I just wasn't expecting this. That's the life though, I just have to suck it up. And I will. It sucks sometimes, yes - but Matt is way worth it. I don't think every fort is like this when it comes to AIT, so maybe others will get lucky when it comes to talking to their loved one. Another thing is that Matt shares a room with two other guys, so when we get the chance to FaceTime they are right there. Now this wouldn't be much of a problem except for the fact that when I see Matt my mind goes blank and all I can think about is how much I love him - so naturally all I want to say is "I love you" over and over and over. Then I think, I probably shouldn't do that because his roommates will think I'm some weirdo and Matt won't want to keep saying it back and forth. So then I end up just looking at him and smiling and thinking in my head how much I love him.. and it just struck me that that might be even weirder than saying it over and over again haha! I have one more week left until summer classes start, and one day left until I have to go back to work. The break was definitely nice! Starting school will be good for me. I'll keep busier, and the days and weeks, and eventually months will go by faster. That's all I really want... is for this next 4 or so months to go by as fast as possible! As I'm typing Matt sent me a message, and in the message were several pictures of me, and he and I with cats on our heads instead of our faces. I just cracked up, they are so hilarious! I always knew I wanted, and even needed to marry someone funny.. and I just feel so lucky to have him. We share the same humor, and he just makes my life fun - even from miles away. I suppose that's when you know you've found the right person - when you've been separated for months, but they can still make you the happiest person in the world. That's what Matt does for me! And I'm not exactly sure what I did to be blessed with him, but I wouldn't trade him for the world! I've known for a while, but so many more things keep proving to me that Matt is 100% perfect for me. Basically what I'm trying to explain is just how happy I am. Life is hard, but life is good.

Wednesday, May 22, 2013


Well already there have been some changes made due to the military. The other day I got a call from Matt, and he informed me that he was told he will not be home in time for our wedding. As soon as he told me this he had to hang up the phone and go to formation. He told me he loved me several times, and that he'd call right back, so while I waited I cried. A lot. I pretty much calmed myself down by the time Matt called back, and we decided that although this sucks, A WHOLE LOT, we will just have a small wedding with family, and then a larger one later on when we can really plan for it. Now, I'm still not completely sure when the wedding will be because we aren't sure when he will be allowed his leave, but I'm hoping it will be very close to September still. Honestly, a big wedding isn't my concern at all. My concern is being able to marry Matt, and be with him. So, although the news was very sad, I am still very happy that we decided to have a small wedding first just so we will be able to be together as soon as possible. I don't want to be alone, and sad, and missing Matt any longer than I absolutely have to. So this plan is still perfect in my eyes! I got to FaceTime with Matt again last night. I got to watch him do his "bed time" routine, and it made me miss when I'd actually be there and brush my teeth with him. It was nice to be able to kind of be there though! As I mentioned before, thank God for technology! We actually talked really late tonight - until about 12:00 Am I think. It was so nice to be able to have a longer conversation with him. I just can't wait til we can have long night time conversations in person! Sadly, I have no idea when this will be haha. Luckily I can laugh about this. While he was in boot camp I had an exact date and count down til when we would be reunited, but now I have nothing. I'm assuming it will be 4 months - maybe more - I don't really know! I still have my little count down app set for the date I thought we'd be going to get him from Georgia, but so far it looks like that won't be the date. I mean, who knows - things might change! It is the military we're talking about remember. But all together - I have no idea, and I assume that's how it's going to be for the next 4 years he's in! It's all sort of funny because I'm a planner, I always have been - and probably always will be in some way. This whole experience is definitely changing my ways though. Yes, I still try to plan - but so far nothing has really gone according to plan at all. Maybe it's a good thing that I'm learning to get out of those planning ways? Once again, I'm not sure! I'm not sure of much except for the fact that I love Matt more than anything in this world, and I'm going to marry that man! And really, that's all that matters.

Monday, May 20, 2013

AIT has started, and now so has another count down.

Well, I suppose I should summarize my time spent with Matt! I woke up early Wednesday morning and did my best to make my hair look pretty, then got dressed in a pair of army green capris, and a tan tank. I quickly put on some sun screen, and my father and I headed out the door to go see Matt! We got an alright spot in the bleachers, and I saved a spot for Matt's family until they arrived too. The ceremony started at about 9:00 Am. From the woods came big clouds of smoke, and from that smoke came out soldiers running! I don't really know if I can explain just how excited I felt at that moment. A smile stretched wide across my face, and butterflies exploded all throughout my body. I screamed and cheered with many others in the crowd, then we all sat back down and waited until we were allowed on the field to find our loved one. Which was hard by the way, I had no idea where to find Matt because all of the soldiers had moved around the field by the time we got down there. We found him though! I wrapped my arms tightly around his neck, and wouldn't let go for anything. I felt as though I would have fallen down if I let go. My legs were shaking with excitement, and I could not get them to stop. Matt even asked me if I was okay haha! He said I sounded like I was hyperventilating and my body was shaking. It's true, I was. We all stood there for a little, and then walked around the tents where all of the vendors were selling things. Matt ended up buying himself an Army sweatshirt, and I think that was all any one bought. I couldn't keep my hands off Matt, and I think he felt the same. Every second of the day my arm was either around his waist, my hand was either tangled in his, or my lips were glued to his. We drove away from the field, and went to a small lake where we all sat and talked more. After that Matt decided he was hungry, and we went to meet his sister Kim at one of the fast food restaurants on base. After everyone who wanted lunch ordered, we all sat on a blanket in the grass and ate and talked some more. Matt's other sister, Rose called and said she was at the hotel, so Kim and Matt's mother went to go pick Rose and her family up. When we were finally ready to move on we went to the PX so Matt could get a bag to keep his uniforms in. Around 4:30 we all went to a sea food buffet dinner held at one of the buildings on base. It was gross, but I think Matt loved just about any food that wasn't served to him in the "chow" room. After that we all went bowling, and that's when I found out I SUCK! But it's okay, it was a lot of fun! Matt had to leave soon after so we all hung outside until it was time. We drove him to the barracks, and said goodbye until his graduation the next day! Once back at the hotel I hung out in Matt's parents room with the family til it got too late for me sit around any longer. The next morning I woke up early once again, and got dressed in a pretty floral dress and white wedges. My dad had to leave back to Maryland, and I headed off to graduation with Matt's sisters. We got a higher up spot on the bleachers this time, but it had a pretty good view. This time the soldiers marched onto the field in their dress blues, and we were able to see Matt with his mom's binoculars. After the ceremony the soldiers were taken back to their barracks on a bus and we were told to pick them up from there. The line to get off the field was un godly, and did not move at all! We decided to take a short cut, and followed some buses to where Matt was waiting. I was determined, and marching down to the barracks with sore feet when Matt's little brother exclaimed "there he is!" I didn't believe him at first, because he usually plays jokes, but I looked over and sure enough there he was! My lips immediately connected to his like a magnet and I did not want to let go! Sadly I had to. We all walked down to the barracks and waited for Matt to be let go so he could come off base with us for the day. I took some pictures of him and his friends, and then we waited in line for a while. It turned out that we were not supposed to be in the line at all, and we ran off as soon as we found that out. We then all went to lunch and had a nice time. Oh! Also, Matt got that promotion we had hoped for! I'm so proud of him :)  After lunch we all went back to the hotel and Matt and I eventually got his new Ipad set up. After that we went to the mall. While there we got our fingers sized, and even picked out some wedding bands we liked! Time went by way too fast, and it was already time for Matt to start getting ready to head back to base. We took him back to the barracks, and walked around for a while until it was absolutely time for him to go. We said our goodbyes, and tears fell down my face as I have him 20 last hugs and kisses before shutting the car door. Luckily, Matt is able to keep his phone and now has a new Ipad, so he will get to talk to me way way more than he could have at boot camp! And thank God for that because instead of a little over 2 months, Matt's AIT lasts for 4 months. Needless to say I'm already ready for it to be over, but I must wait - and I will wait. Getting to see Matt was the happiest I have been in SO long. Not that I haven't been happy, I have been - if you've kept up with this blog so far it is clear that I became ecstatic every single time I heard from Matt. But getting to see his handsome face, and kiss him, and hug him, and tell him how much I love him made me happier than I even knew possible. I was so proud to stand by his side. It's crazy, he's part of the Army now! He's really a soldier, and a good looking soldier might I add :). It's now Monday, and I got to FaceTime with Matt last night. It's not the same as seeing him in person, but getting to see his smile light up when I do something silly is the best feeling in the world! He's in processing all day today - so I'm not sure when I'll hear from him next, but I'm hoping I'll be able to see his face again tonight! Sometimes I think technology is bad, but really - I am so glad it exists. I'd still be relying on snail mail to talk to Matt through AIT if it weren't for technology. I'd survive, yes. But it would be so much harder. Getting to talk to Matt keeps me sane, and I am so so thankful! I lounged on the couch all day long, and fell asleep on and off. The last time I woke up I heard the doorbell ring, so I got up to answer it. At the door was a woman holding a beautiful bouquet of flowers. A huge smile appeared on my face as soon as I saw them. I opened the door, and she asked for a Maddison Nelson. That's me!! I signed for the flowers, and took them out of her hand. I then walked into the kitchen and opened the note attached. It read, "Simply because, I love you. Matt." Short and sweet. Happy tears filled my eyes! I was so surprised to get flowers! No one had ever sent me flowers before, and I didn't even ask for them! Obviously I have chosen the right guy to marry, even though I've known that all along. I just feel so blessed to have Matt in my life! I'm so lucky, and so in love!
So there's about 3 months and 3 weeks left now. ... Hopefully the time will go by super fast, but I'm just glad I have Matt to talk to (hopefully every day) this time!

Tuesday, May 14, 2013

Day 70 of boot camp

This is it! This is the last day of boot camp! I see Matt tomorrow and I am SO excited! I could barely sleep last night. My mind was racing with thoughts of Matt, and I just couldn't close my eyes and calm my thoughts! I eventually fell asleep thought, way too late. I woke up this morning at 7:00 Am and started getting ready to leave for South Carolina. My dad and I left the house around 9:00 Am and after falling asleep twice, and sitting for hours we finally made it to the hotel around 6:00 Pm. We got settled, then headed back out to find a place to eat. On our way we decided to stop by Fort Jackson and make sure we knew where we  were supposed to be tomorrow. After all of that got figured out we stopped at Olive Garden, and ate way too much. While waiting to be seated I got a text message FROM MATT! I actually got to talk to him tonight and it made me soo happy! We talked a little about our wedding, a little about what we should do tomorrow, a little about how much we miss each other, and a little about how much we love each other. It wasn't too much longer when he had to turn his phone back in and say good night. I was sad to stop talking to him so fast, but I will get to spend the whole day with him tomorrow so that makes me feel better! For such a long day, I don't really have much to say. I suppose that's because the bulk of my day was sitting in the car. We're now sitting in the hotel room, waiting for Grimm to come on at 10. After that I'll shower and try my best to sleep before having to wake up even earlier tomorrow. I don't mind waking up early if it means getting to see Matt though, he's worth it :). Okay, I guess I should go and try to relax before tomorrow! It's going to be such an exciting day .. I'm already so excited. I can already tell it will be difficult for me to fall asleep tonight! Oh well!
Tip of the day: Keep a positive attitude and stay looking forward! And try to get some good sleep, you need the energy!
Stay positive :)

Monday, May 13, 2013

Day 69 of boot camp

Today has been a long day! I woke up at 7:30 and headed off to school to turn in my education portfolio, and take my last final. After that I tiredly drove home, and stopped on the way to get a coconut coffee. It was awesome. I got home and received a call from Matt's mom telling me all about what he said to her yesterday, and things I'll need to know when arriving at Fort Jackson. After that Morgan and I went to the grocery store to get some things to make a chocolate cake ( she really wanted chocolate ). After that we got home, and she and my mom made the cake. Around 4:00 Lindsey came buy and we went to the salon to get her hair done. Honestly, her hair looked like crap - the hair stylist did a horrible job. We then bought some hair dye and tried to fix what was messed up. It worked, but not completely - so I think Lindsey will have to go to yet another salon to really get it fixed. Poor thing. After she left I showered, and finished packing my bag! We leave tomorrow morning and I could not be more excited!! I actually feel really nervous too! I just want everything to work out perfectly! I can't stop thinking about what it will be like to see Matt again, and to have another first kiss. It gives me crazy butterflies just thinking about it!! Like I said, I'm excited! :) I'm  really tired too. I may not have typed a lot, but it really has been a long day, and I'm ready for bed. I have another long day ahead of me tomorrow, so I need my rest!
Tip of the day: As I've said many times before, keep busy! If you keep busy the day will fly by, and you'll be seeing your loved one before you know it!
Stay positive!! ... one day left! :)

Sunday, May 12, 2013

Day 68 of boot camp

Alright, day 68 began early. I woke up, and slugged up the stairs to sit at the kitchen table with my mom for a while. We ate some breakfast, and I gave her the present I bought her for Mother's Day, then she headed out the door. After that I headed back down the stairs and fixed my hair and make up before deciding what to wear to work. After figuring it all out, with hours to spare, I got Matt's mom's present all ready, and then hung out on the couch watching How I Met Your Mother until my mom and sister came home with Chipotle. I stole some of my mom's food ( she offered ) before heading out the door, and to Matt's house. Once I got there I gave her the present from Matt that he asked me to get for her, and the present from me. She loved them! We then sat and talked until I had to leave and be on my way. I got to work a little early, so I had plenty of time to prepare. Work was busy, but slow at the same time. It was very strange, and I was actually bored at some points. I was finally able to leave around 7:00 Pm. I grabbed my phone and car keys and went to clock out. I looked at my phone to see a text message from Matt. I couldn't believe it! My eyes started swelling with tears of joy. I texted back immediately and hurried home so I could answer as soon as possible when he received my text back. I got home  with no text message back, and waited another 30 minutes with no text message back. I asked his mother if she got a call, and she did! I'm so glad he got to call her on Mother's Day, but I'm also sad that I never got to talk to him. I later found out they were originally allowed 2 hours with their phones, but for some reason that got changed to 30 minutes, and I am assuming that is why I never got a text back. I understand, but it still made me sad. I even sat in my bed and cried - which may be dumb, but I couldn't help it. I was just so excited when I saw his name on my phone, and then I never heard a word back. Oh well. At least I'll be seeing him in 2 days. I shouldn't be getting so sad over not talking to him when I will see him in seriously 2 days, but I just miss him so much, and I miss him now. I sucked it up though, and now here I am typing about it. I got in a long much needed shower, and now I'm putting some finishing touches on my teaching portfolio before heading to bed. I have to wake up early tomorrow and get last minute school work done, and then ... I'LL BE HEADING TO SOUTH CAROLINA TO FINALLY SEE MATT. Yes, I'm very excited.
Tip of the day: Don't sweat the little things, or at least try not to. I understand, sometimes you just want a cry ... and when I say sometimes I mean a lot because I know I've cried a lot these past 2 months. It's okay though, you're allowed to cry, but I do think it would be best for you if you did not sweat the little things. Try and keep a positive attitude - it will keep you feeling happy, and keep others around you feeling happy.
Stay positive ... two more days!! That's nothing! :)

Day 67 of boot camp

Once again, I'm late on posting. Saturday I didn't really do all that much. I woke up early to shower, and then hung out around the house until it was time for me to leave for work. I watched a couple movies on TV, and lounged on the couch pretty much all day. Now that I think about it, I was very lazy. I guess we all need those lazy days though. I suppose I'm lucky I'm still able to have those days. Work was surprisingly busy, we were getting tables up until the time I had to leave. This usually doesn't happen, and what makes it even more unusual is that the weather was crappy! Too bad I don't wait tables, because the extra people didn't benefit my pay check any. I got home late, and ate a salad and pita chips with hummus before working out, showering, and heading to bed. That pretty much sums up my whole day. Pretty boring. I can't wait until Matt is home, or I am with Matt (any place is home when we are together) and we can go out and do things on weekends! Like take walks, or hikes, or go see a movie! I miss all of our little dates we used to go on. Luckily I will be seeing him soon! We won't be able to go on little dates, for there won't be enough time, but at least I'll get to see him. I miss him like crazy.
Tip of the day: Try and get out and do something if you have the free time. Don't waste it vegging out on the couch like I did all day. Now that I look back on it, I regret it.
Stay positive, strong, and happy!

Friday, May 10, 2013

Day 66 of boot camp

We're getting so close to the end, and let me tell ya ... I am SO happy! I woke up fairly early this morning, and sat on the deck to drink my coffee and eat some breakfast. After that I showered and went outside to clean my car. I took my little poodle out with me and he ran around the yard as I gathered up way too much trash that should not have been in my car. I got it all out though, and even scrubbed it down, and organized a bit! Now my car is all clean and smelling good for our trip to South Carolina to see Matty!! Gosh I'm so excited! Now I just have to work on the room before he comes back in September.. but I have some time for that big task :). After cleaning my car I came back inside and watched re-runs of The Office before I had to get ready for work. While getting ready I heard the mail truck go by, but there was nothing from Matt when I checked. Now I don't know what to expect since I got a surprise letter yesterday! But I don't care if I don't get any more letters because... only four days left! I headed on my way to work, and had a fine night there. That is except for my horrible headache. One of the girls at work told me she read through my blog and especially liked one of the posts that mentioned them in it. So, here's some more about them. I'm sure I would survive without their support, but I really love those girls and how much they actually do care about what is going on in my life! It's so nice to be able to go to work and know I can talk to them about anything I need to get off my chest. So, thank you ladies for everything! I got to leave a little early, and run to my car in the pouring rain! Lighting lit up the streets on my way home, it almost made it look as if it was day time. I made it home alive, and ran through the pouring rain once again into my house. I made myself some dinner, and took some medicine to get rid of my nasty headache. I changed into comfy clothes - sweats, and Matt's sweatshirt that I took before he left, and finally felt relaxed. As I sit here typing I've noticed my headache is gone - yay! (knock on wood). I'm still so exhausted, and I'm sure I will be during the rest of this hectic weekend at work, and busy last day here on Monday. I just cannot wait for Tuesday when I get to be on my way to South Carolina! I'm just so happy! So truly happy. Just sitting here thinking about my life! I'm so very happy with it and I wouldn't change a thing ... well maybe I'd make it so Matt and I could be together sooner than later, but that's about it :). I'm just so in love and happy and content with how my life is going. The best part is, I know it's just going to get better. I mean, I'm getting married to my dream guy in September!!! And I'll be getting my associates degree soon, and just everything is good!
Tip of the day: Take some time to think about the good things in your life. Don't think of the negatives, just the good things. And maybe go clean your car... It might need a little spring cleaning - mine sure did! I know I always feel better when things are clean!
Stay positive! You're so close, and you have so many reasons to be happy! :)

Thursday, May 9, 2013

Day 65 of boot camp

Today started around 9:00 AM. Actually my alarm went off at 8:00, but I kept hitting snooze. I eventually made myself get up, and I got dressed, made my face up, and headed out the door. I stopped by dunkin donuts for some much needed coffee, then headed on my way to school. I had a hard time finding a parking spot, but I didn't worry too much about the far parking since IT IS MY LAST DAY OF CLASS! I got to my education class, and had to present a teaching demo to the class. I decided to use a poem to teach the class about imagery. It wasn't the best lesson since I had to keep it short, but after class two girls from my class told me they really liked it, and that I'm going to be a cool teacher. It was a nice little confidence booster! After class I ran into an old friend from one of my classes last semester, and although it was a short conversation it was still nice! I hurried down the stairs and to the testing center to take my final for Biology. It was designed to take me 3 hours, but I think it really only took me about half an hour. I don't see how that would last 3 hours at all. After the test I sat outside on a bench. The weather was very nice today! It eventually came time for my History class, where I would take the final for that class. I ran into my professor in the hallway and found out she didn't have the test with her today. Luckily I ran into her and didn't waste anymore time walking all the way to class. We decided I will take the final in the testing center Monday morning. I had to go to school anyways to turn in my teaching portfolio, so I don't mind taking a test too. It gives me more time to prepare anyway! So, I got to come home earlier than usual! I drove past the mail box on my way to the driveway to find nothing, which was strange since it was already past 4! I pulled into the driveway and decided to go and sit on the bench near my front porch and wait for the mail, I even thought I'd take a nap too! - I'm exhausted. As I walked towards the bench I saw a package on the steps. I picked up the package to find all of our mail tied up in a rubber band underneath. I sat down on the step and looked through the mail. I saw a familiar stamp on the corner of one of the envelopes, but I couldn't believe it! There in the middle of all the mail were two letters from Matt! Just last week he told me he would not be able to send out any more letters! - I guess that was not the case after all :).In his letters he listed more things for me to bring him, which I think is funny because now this will be the fourth time I will go into his room to get things! At least he got to send more letters so he could let me know what else he wanted! I even got a picture of him in his uniform in one of the envelopes! I'll attach it below. The letters were so very sweet, just what I needed after the week I had! I just love Matt so much, he's everything I need and more! I feel so blessed to have him in my life! I still can't believe how lucky I am :). Only 5 more days until I get to see him! I packed my bag up last night/early this morning with all of our clothes! I'm so excited to see him, my mind is buzzing with love and thoughts of him! I don't think this buzzing with subside until I finally get to see him either - actually it probably won't ever stop! I don't mind though, I don't mind at all!
Tip of the day: Go take a nap. I have no idea how I stayed awake all day honestly. I need some good sleep before I blow up. Luckily, I have no class tomorrow so I'll be able to get the sleep I need. Sleep is important, don't let that slip too much! It will keep you healthy and happy! I'm sure your loved one wants you to stay nice and healthy, and it's up to you to do that for them!
Stay positive! 5 days left .. and the majority of those days will be the weekend, which always goes by fast :)

Day 64 of boot camp

I'm a day late on this. I've had a lot going on lately! Yesterday I spent the morning at home with my mom, then my friend Lindsey picked me up and we did some shopping then went and watched movies at her dad's house for a little while. It was nice to clear my mind for a little. And seeing my god daughter is always fun. She's growing up so fast I can't believe it sometimes. After that she dropped me back off at home, and I got ready to leave once again to hang at Matt's house for the evening. His grandparents were there and we spent time talking, and eating Chinese take out .. maybe I ate a little too much Chinese take out, but whatever! Then Matt's little brother and I sat in the living room watching TV. It was getting so hard for me to keep my eyes open, I think I even fell asleep for a little bit.. that is until Jesse yelled to wake me up haha. Matt's grandparents left and I got hugs goodbye, which makes me happy :). I grabbed some things Matt asked me to get and bring to South Carolina for him, then I headed home around 9:00 PM and finished up some last minute things before going to shower and sleep. Maybe if I typed this yesterday I would have had more to say haha, but I didn't and so I'm summarizing. I took a long shower, and snuggled up in a sweat shirt and sweatpants before falling asleep. It's okay to have days like I had, where you just don't have the energy to do what you usually do. Yes, I miss some nights a lot, but I usually update it first thing in the morning. It's just been one of those days I guess! - and as I said, that's allowed :).
Tip of the day: Let's see. Take some time to yourself to watch a movie. A funny, happy movie.  Let yourself relax and laugh for at least an hour, I think you owe yourself that!
Stay positive, you're getting so so close to seeing your soldier!

Tuesday, May 7, 2013

Day 63 of boot camp

Well, day 63 began at about 12:00 AM I guess. Some family stuff is going on that I don't feel comfortable writing about, but we're all stressed out to sum it up. I eventually went back to sleep hours later, and woke up around 9:00 AM for class. I stayed for my Education class, but ended up having to go back home to take care of things here for the rest of the day. I got some shopping done - and bought Matt even more for his birthday when I go see him haha. Then I made a healthy Hawaiian pizza for myself for dinner tonight. After dinner I cleaned up a bit, then took my miniature poodle out for a jog in the rain. Now I'm watching Grimm on the couch with my dog, and typing on here. I am in dire need for a vacation, and I am so so extremely glad that I will be traveling to South Carolina to see Matt in a week. I guess it's true when they say - if something is going to go wrong, it will go wrong while your soldier is away. I just can't wait to marry him and travel and live with him - it's not too far away, but I still wish it were sooner :). I'm doing my best to stay positive throughout all the family drama, and missing Matt. Surprisingly I'm much stronger than I ever thought. I have to admit it's getting harder as the time gets closer to seeing Matt .. sounds weird right? You'd think it'd be so much easier knowing I'm about to see him, but it's not. It's not that I'm sad, but I just cannot stay calm!! I'm so excited, and nervous to see him! Kind of weird that I'd be nervous, I've known him for so long.. and I can be my complete self around him, but I'm still so nervous! I want everything to work out perfectly, and I want him to still think I'm perfect, and just ahh! I'm excited. It's just getting so hard to wait any longer!! I'm so close to seeing him, and I just want it to be now :)!!! I love him so much, and I cannot wait to tell him 10000000 times when I see him! I seriously will tell him I love him that many times, Maybe it will be the only thing I say. No, we have wedding details to discuss and I have so much to tell him, but the bulk of my words will be "I LOVE YOU!" that I know for sure. If I didn't make this clear enough earlier ...  I'M REALLY EXCITED!!
Tip of the day: If you're getting as close as I am to seeing your loved one, maybe you'd like to go out and buy them a little something. It'll make it seem so much more real that you will be seeing them soon.
Stay positive! You're getting so close, and you should be so excited!

Monday, May 6, 2013

Day 62 of boot camp

I woke up around 9, and walked up stairs to start my day. I sat on the couch, and opened my lap top to finish up a final paper for my British Literature class. After about an hour of failure to keep my eyes open I decided to take a nap. I was asleep for maybe 30 minutes, then decided I should probably drink some coffee and get to work on my paper. After hours of hard work, I finally perfected it. I then got up to check the mail (even though I know I will not get another letter I'm still going to check ... just in case). Nothing was in there for me, so I walked back inside and worked on some more school work. My family got home around 5, and we ate dinner together before I started back on my school work. Now I'm still working on stuff for school. It's been such a lazy day, but maybe that's just what I needed. I've been so busy lately, even on my days off from school. It was nice to be able to relax all day long. Now I just have to get through the rest of this week of school, and weekend full of work until I leave for South Carolina and will finally be able to see my soon to be hubby! I can't believe how close we are now! It's right around the corner, and I am sooo unbelievably excited! It's practically all I can think about. Even when I'm doing school work, or any other work Matt is constantly on my mind. I wonder if I'm on his much as much as he is on mine... No, there's no possibility of that! I plan to finish up my night by cleaning my messy room, and doing some pilates.
Tip of the day: Try and take a day to yourself. School, work, and missing your loved one can take a toll on your mind, and taking a day to relax can be very beneficial. So, try and find the time and just relax.
Stay positive!! You're getting so close!

Sunday, May 5, 2013

Day 61 of boot camp

I woke up on the couch around 8:00AM, hoping for a Sunday morning call from Matt. We were informed the soldiers would be calling, so I was expecting something today! I laid there for a while, still half asleep, then finally got up to pour myself some coffee. I sat back down on the couch, pulled my fuzzy wolf blanket over my lap and turned on the TV. Shortly after, Matt's mom joined me in the family room and we talked and watched TV for a long time. Matt's little brother had a friend over the night before, and he eventually got  up to spend time with his friend before his mother came to pick him up. When she got to the house Matt's brother ended up going with her and her kids to some sort of festival somewhere! So, Matt's mom and I had the house to ourselves while Jesse, and Matt's step dad were out for the day. We continued to relax and watch TV while talking for hours - still waiting for a call from Matthew. I made myself get up and get ready for work around 2, just so I wasn't rushed later. I made some lunch and we sat and talked for longer, until I had to leave for work. I even waited an extra 10 minutes, just in case Matt called. As I was walking out the door their house phone rang. I immediately turned back around and followed his mom back in side with my arms full of bags, and blankets. I was ready to call work and tell them I'd be a little late because Matt called. It wasn't Matt on the phone though, just a family friend. I was disappointed, but glad I wouldn't have to cut our conversation short because of work. So, off I went. I walked in and very nervously walked up to Lindsey and explained to her how scared I was that Matt would call - and I wouldn't be able to answer. I can't even explain how horrible I would feel if Matt tried to call me, and I was unable to pick up the phone.  The last thing I want to do is make him sad!! The girls at work told me that if my phone rang they'd watch over the front so I could talk to Matt ... I love them, they are seriously the best. So the night went on, and I felt much more comfortable. My boss hired some men to play music for Cinco de Mayo today. They weren't bad, but they we'rent playing any Hispanic music either. They were older, around their later 50's probably. They were very nice, and wanted to talk to everyone in the restaurant. They even came up to talk to me, thinking I was Spanish. I informed them I was not at all, but they insisted that I looked the part. I've been told that my whole life, and I guess I might kind of look Latina with my dark skin, eyes, and hair, but I'm not. They even decided to come up with a Spanish name for me, Chichi ... which I was just told is a slang for boobs in Spanish. Great! Just so great and disgusting. I'm hoping the men had no idea, since I was completely unaware too. I'm assuming they are nice old men, and not creeps. Anyways, the night went by fast (not as fast as I wanted, but fast enough). I headed home around 7:30 - still no call from Matt, and thankfully no missed call. I sent his mom a text, asking if she received a call, but she said she had not either. Now I'm a little weirded out as to why he didn't call. The website said they were supposed to call!! I guess you can't always rely on what the Army says all the time though. My night went on, and I headed off to bed. I didn't go to bed though, I sat on my bed and listened to an old voice mail from Matt about 3 times. Then I read through all of his old letters and cried with my face buried in a blanket. Oh well, I miss him so much and I just had to cry a little to let it all out. 10 more days! That's not too bad... I can make it! I guess I'm just getting more and more excited because the time is getting so close, and I just don''t want to have to wait any longer!! - but I do, so I better just suck it up. I'm done crying now, and I'm cuddled up in bed typing this - very ready for sleep.
Tip of the day: If you feel sad, or lonely; one, just cry. - let it all out, you need to do that at least once in a while. Try reading through old notes, or listening to old messages to your loved one. Maybe it will make you feel so much better! I know it made me feel at least a little better!
Stay positive!!

Saturday, May 4, 2013

Day 60 of boot camp

Day 60 started around 830 AM. I was supposed to wake up at 8, but my alarm didn't go off for some reason. I got up though, and quickly jumped in the shower. After that I hurried to get dressed so my mother and I could go to David's Bridal to pick up my slip, and Lindsey's bridesmaid dress. When we finally got there they informed us that my sisters dress AND my wedding dress were ready for pick up too! Which was great news considering they first told me it wouldn't be here until July! My mom decided to try on some dresses too, but didn't find anything she liked. We then started on a very confusing drive home. We almost ran out of gas, got lost a couple times, but eventually found our way! Although it was a difficult drive, I have to say it was very funny. When we got home I relaxed for a while until about 3:00 when the mail got here. I sped walked down to the mailbox to find a letter from Matt! I sprinted back to the house, and flew into the house trying to catch my breath. I sat at the kitchen table reading, and smiling from cheek to cheek. Sadly, Matt said this would be his last letter to me, but at least I will see him in about 10 days! That's not so bad at all :). I happily headed off to work afterwards, and had a pretty good night except for the fact my stomach has been killing me. I got to. Matt's around 9:00PM and found out she was watching some friends children! The little boy played with Matt's little brother, and Matt's mother and I had the pleasure of playing barbies with his little sister! I'm not much of a Barbie player, but I did my best. It's now almost 12:00AM, and I should probably get to bed. I know Matt should definitely be calling tomorrow, and I just pray it's before I have to go to work.
Tip of the day: get out for a little. Whether it be with your mom, or someone else, try and get out of the house and have some fun! Maybe it won't be getting lost and confused driving home with your mom like I did, but something fun!
Stay positive! You're getting closer and closer each day to seeing your loved one! Always try and keep that mind set.

Day 59 of boot camp

Yesterday, I got to sleep in for a tiny bit before heading off to my last Biology class! Class seemed to go on forever, but I finally made it home. I talked to my mom for a bit, sat outside by myself enjoying the nice weather, and then came back inside to get ready for work! I slowly, but surely got myself ready, then headed out the door and into my car. I checked the mail to find nothing again, but I didn't let it get me down. Work was a little hectic when I first arrived. My reservation book was no where in sight, and I didn't know how to work the new printer for our specials menu. Everything eventually got done though, and the night went on. We were surprisingly VERY busy for a Friday night. One of my reservations that walked in saw part of my Russian tattoo on my shoulder and insisted on taking a picture of it. Flattering, but strange. You get all kinds in the restaurant business. I left at my normal time, painfully walking through the parking lot on my feet that felt flat as pancakes from standing all night. I came home to find a big house salad waiting for me, and a fresh baked desert (which I don't need - but ate anyways). I stayed up kind of late, watching TV and talking to my mom, but I finally walked down to my room at a halfway decent time. The day went by fast, and I'm definitely not complaining about that. A little over a week until I get to go see Matt!! I'm so so excited, I can barely contain myself at times!
Tip of the day: Go somewhere by yourself and enjoy some alone time to clear your busy mind (because I can almost guarantee it's busy). Get a nice coffee, or a cool drink and just take some time to relax!
Stay positive!!

Thursday, May 2, 2013

Day 58 of boot camp

Today is Matt's 21st birthday!!! And I cannot be with him, which makes me very sad. I hope he's gotten my birthday card by now, but who knows. Last week he told me it had been a week since he got any mail from me. I'm sure you all know me pretty well by now, and know that I definitely sent several letters - there's no way I'd let him go letter-less for a week! So, I left the house a little early to pump gas before heading to school. I think I left a little too early though, because I got there about 30 minutes early. So, I sat in my car and took a quick cat nap before walking to class. After class I spoke with my professor about assignments I need to get in for my LAST WEEK next week! Then I go see Matt!! After that I stopped by the mall to buy some presents, then sat outside of Barnes and Noble to be rudely disturbed by a loud girl talking about drugs on her cell phone and blowing cigarette smoke in my face. I decided to walk away and drive back to school. I sat in the parking lot for hours listening to classic rock, and reading up on some history before class. The time passed slowly, but it eventually came time for class. I grabbed a coffee and headed up the stairs. Class went by pretty fast, and then I was on my way home. I stopped by the mailbox, but found nothing from Matt today. I wasn't too disappointed, but I'll keep checking every day! I ate some left overs for dinner, then hopped in the shower for much needed relaxing time. After that my mom and I headed to Walmart, I needed to pick up a prescription, and get some other things, and she needed flowers. We got home around 8:00 PM, and I started on some homework. I finished one of my assignments, but I'll start on another as soon as  I'm done this. I was a little sad today, since it's Matt's birthday he's on my mind extra today! I know I'll see him so soon, but I just don't want to wait any longer! Whenever I start to think about seeing him I get so excited, and my stomach fills with happy, fluttering butterflies! I've only got about a week and 4 days to go. I know it's going to fly by, but for now it still seems too far away! haha. I sound ridiculous, this is nothing  compared to the 70 something days we started with, but I just can't help myself.
Tip of the day: Earlier, when I told my friend Sarah I was feeling sad she told me to "Get out and enjoy the day :)" I couldn't exactly do this because I had class, but it's good advice. When you're having a bad day, especially during the beautiful spring time - get out and enjoy the day! I'm sure the pretty weather will make you feel better and lighten whatever mood you may be in.
Stay positive! :)

Wednesday, May 1, 2013

Day 57 of boot camp

I spent the bulk of my day at a middle school, observing in a 7th grade class. In the morning I thought, "aw teaching middle school wouldn't be so bad". NO NO NO it's bad. Wait until about 1:00 PM - it's bad. Don't ever think it might be fun to teach middle school unless you'll be there for the morning only. It's sad how much children have changed, it's like they are not even children anymore. It's actually quite disgusting if you ask me. It's sad to see. Oh well, nothing you can really do about it. All of my observations are complete now, thank the Lord! I've decided to stick with my first decision and stay with teaching High School level kids. Old enough to understand more complex ideas, and mature enough for me to joke around with or get mad at without crying (mostly). I got home and changed into comfier clothing before heading to Matt's house. On my way I stopped by the mail box to find a letter from my honey! It was from before he called, and just got to me today. I'm not allowed to send him any more mail, but I sure hope I get some more from him, or I just might go crazy. I think I should come to terms with the fact that I will probably end up going "crazy", because I highly doubt he will have the time to send me any more letters. There's only 2 weeks left, and I know the last week he will be slammed. So, I will continue to hope, but I expect that I will not get any more letters. As Matt said in one of his letters to me, "Expect the worst, but hope for the best". That sounds a little depressing maybe, but whatever haha! So, I got to Matt's house and after talking to his mom for a bit I looked down to find a little baby fox in a cage on the kitchen floor. Needless to say, my heart melted on the spot. I've never been so close to a little baby wild animal before, and I even got to hold him!! We sat outside for a while, playing games and taking in the sun. Then we all came back in to relax on the couch, watching Wednesday night TV shows, and eating dinner. I went home around 10:00 PM, talked to my mom for a little, then went down stairs to go to bed. I'm obviously not asleep yet, not sure when I'll get there ... but it will happen eventually. I'm so ready for this week to be over.
Ti p of the day: Don't teach middle school until you've been completely mentally prepared .. haha no, I'm kidding. Kind of. A serious tip of the day (Although I was serious about the middle school thing), clear your mind of all the over emotional crazy thoughts and let yourself understand that not everything will go your way all the time. I find myself getting upset whenever I don't receive a letter - but that's pretty stupid of me. Matt's working his cute butt off in boot camp, and I'm back home crying because I didn't get  letter for a couple of days? When looking back on that, I realize how dumb that is. I get upset because I miss him SO much, I can't help it at the moment, but when looking back I realize I should just be happy that I have him to miss. Matt is truly amazing, and I'm just so happy I get to spend the rest of my life with him!
Stay positive!! You're getting closer and closer to seeing your loved one!

Tuesday, April 30, 2013

Day 56 of boot camp

Day 56 started at about 6:40 AM. That's the first time I woke up anyways. I awoke from a dream of Matt.  It felt so real, like we were really together. I wasn't ready to say goodbye to him (even if it was just a dream). So, I laid back down, shut my eyes, and went back to dream land where I could see Matt some more. I woke up about 3 more times after the first, and each time I went back to sleep, and was lucky enough to go right back into the dream I was having before. Eventually I had to get up though, I had class, and couldn't sleep all day long. So I got up, did some pilates, then showered before hanging out on the couch doing homework before leaving for class. On my way to school I stopped by the mail box, and sadly found no letter from Matt today. Not that I really expected it since I just got one yesterday, and he told me how busy he was going to be these upcoming weeks. At least it's only 2 weeks until we will get to see each other again. I think I can last 2 weeks without hearing from him... I think. No, I know I can. It will suck, but I can. Anyways, I got to school, grabbed a large coffee, and sat there for the next 4 hours. At least next week is my last week of school too... until summer classes that is. I don't hate school - I like it! But I am so sick of these classes with huge gaps in between, leaving me bored out of my mind, and sitting there for ungodly amounts of time. It probably doesn't help that I'm getting SO excited about seeing Matt. It's so close, I can't believe it. These pasts months are now a blur. I can't really remember much. I can remember the day Matt left very clearly - like it was yesterday, but everything after that is pretty much a blur except for the letters and phone calls I got from Matt; those are fresh in my mind too, but everything else is just a distant memory. When people say it'll go by fast, and you just don't believe them, because it seems like the end of the world - well in that moment yes, it is kind of the end of the world, but over all it actually does go by fast. You don't have to believe me, I wouldn't believe me either - but you'll see for yourself that the time really does go by fast! OKAY, on with the rest of my day. I got home around 8, then went for a drive to find out how to get to the school I have to observe at tomorrow, and then got even more school work done... that's it, so there really wasn't much else to the rest of my day haha. I suppose I should shower, then get to bed soon.
Tip of the day: Go ahead and give yourself one of those days to just lay in bed, and let yourself sink back into dream land where your loved one is. Don't do this too much, you need to be productive too. But every once in a while allow yourself, you deserve it. Don't let it be one of those mornings when you cry, and sulk around because you miss them so much - but let it be one of those mornings where you smile because you're happy that you have someone to miss and dream about. Time is ticking by, and you will be reunited with your loved one before you know it. 
Stay positive! 

Monday, April 29, 2013

Day 55 of boot camp

Today began with a work out and a long shower. After that I worked on some school work until Lindsey came over. My garage was broken (not getting into it) and so I couldn't use my car to get to the post office and Library. Luckily, Linds took me there. Then we went to Walmart and the grocery store to buy supplies to make a crab dip for a baby shower later today. We got everything we needed, then headed home to create our masterpiece. It actually turned out really good! We packed Aubrey in the car a little after and took her back home before it was time to leave for the shower. We drove by the mailbox before leaving, but the mail was still not there. So, off we went to take little miss Aubrey home. We came back with the presents , and checked the mail one more time. This time it was there! And guess what, I got a letter! We drove back around to my driveway and we both sat in the car and I began to read the long letter. It was so sweet, and made me SO happy. Lindsey had the privilege of hearing the parts I read out loud that really made me smile, and witnessing my pure tears of joy. I even made her cry too. It was a real best friend moment, to say the least. Matt just makes me so happy, so purely, undoubtedly HAPPY. I have to remember to thank him for that when I see him in 2 WEEKS! After I finished reading, and we finished crying, we packed everything together and got ready to leave for the baby shower! A lot of girls from work were there, and it was fun! It was nice to be able to spend time outside out work with them and just to relax and hangout. The shower eventually came to an end and Lindsey and I headed off to Walmart... again... to do a little shopping. I bought a small pack of CDs so that I can make one full of songs that remind me of Matt to play in my car. The Walmart trip eventually came to an end too, and Lindsey dropped me off at home. I wrote a long letter back to Matt, which I will send off tomorrow, and now here I am writing this. Afterwards I plan to do a little cardio on the treadmill, and maybe even throw in some pilates to end my night.
Tip of the day: Get together with some friends, and have a good time! It will take your mind off some of your stresses, and just make you happy. You deserve a little fun and happiness too!
Stay positive!!

Sunday, April 28, 2013

Day 54 of boot camp

I woke up several times at Matt's this morning. I first set my alarm for a little before 8, hoping for a morning phone call from Matt like we had gotten the past 2 weeks. No call, so I went back to sleep and snoozed my alarm probably 8 times just in case Matt did call. I didn't want to fall into too deep of a sleep, what if the phone rang?! I eventually headed home around 11:00 AM - still with no phone call. I hugged his mom goodbye then headed home to begin my load of school work I need to get done before I leave for South Carolina! I finished my paper for my film class, then my mom, sister, and I went to Down Town Frederick to find the perfect necklace for me to wear on my wedding day. Being of proud Lithuanian decent, and already having beautiful amber earrings, we decided to go to the Amber Coast, a small shop with all things from Eastern Europe, to find the necklace. And that's just what we did - found the perfect necklace.  It matches beautifully with my earrings and was hand crafted in Poland then brought here. I love it, and I can't wait to wear it. It's also said that amber brings good luck and love, so it's perfect! After finishing up our little shopping trip we headed home. While driving back my phone started blaring the Rocky theme song, meaning I was getting a phone call. I looked down to see South Carolina's area code! I freaked out, yelled "MATT'S CALLING", turned off the radio that was never on to begin with (meaning I actually turned it on) then actually turned it off, and picked up the phone. On the other line was a very deep and strange voice talking to me. I knew it was Matt, but he sounded so different. I came to find out he was purposely making his voice deep and has been practicing it while down there! HAHA! I love him. Matt only had 10 minutes to talk today, and so I made out what he was saying the best I could, and we had a nice conversation. He told me how much he liked throwing grenades, and sadly that he hasn't received any of my MANY letters for over a week :(. Apparently he's sent more too that I haven't gotten either. I told him that at least we only have 2 weeks left. As the conversation got closer and closer to ending I tried to remember if I had anything else I needed to tell him. Matt then told me he had something he NEEDED to tell me, so I asked what. He replied with "I love you", which melted my heart and spread a big ol' smile on my face. I told him I loved him more, and before I knew it his time to talk was up. We said our goodbyes, I love yous, and I can't wait to see yous and then I listened until his side of the line clicked off, as I always do. I sat there smiling, and shaking with excitement and butterflies that lasted long after we got home.  Matt makes me SO happy, even just a simple phone call makes me loopy with joy. Once the butterflies had settled I started on more school work again. I finished a project for my British Lit class, a narrative poem about the journey of Beowulf. I then moved on to a paper for my History class. I got that done too, not too long ago actually. I have everything else set up and put into my mind that I need to get done, and I am so glad. I don't have much time at all til I get to leave to go see Matt! I know this time will go by fast for us. I'm busy with school work, and he's busy with last minute activities before his big graduation. I couldn't be more proud of him, and I absolutely cannot wait to marry that boy. Only about 16 days left!! I'll finish up the night with some pilates, and some much needed sleep.
Tip of the day: get things organized, and ready! No one wants a scrambled mind! Keep yourself calm and aware by planning things out ahead of time, and then getting them done before they need to be turned in! I promise you doing this will keep your stress level down, and help you to stay happy busy - instead of crazy, running around like a chicken with it's head cut off busy. .. That kinda busy doesn't sound too fun to me.
Stay positive! The weeks will soon be days, and the days will soon be hours!

Day 53 of boot camp

I started off my day with a shower, and some homework. After that My mother and I met Matt's mom at the florist shop for our first meeting! It was actually very successful, and I ended up deciding on all of the flowers I wanted. I don't want to go into details, because I'd like it to be more of a surprise when I am able to post pictures of it. Trust me though, they will be gorgeous! The florist seems to really like me haha. She kept talking about how laid back I was. I take that as a compliment. She started talking about feeling magical when I put my wedding dress on when I first bought it. I informed her I'm not that type of girl, and that I thought I looked real good - but not magical. I never picture things like that, I never really have. The only time I can honestly say I feel magical and princess - like is when I'm with Matt. He makes me feel like the most beautiful girl in the world, and I am so thankful for that. As I said, I don't normally ever feel like a girly girl, but Matt makes me feel that way, I suppose that's one of the reasons I love him so much :) Every girl wants to feel like a princess at some point in her life, and Matt makes me feel that way every day. After that I headed back home and got ready for work. A little bit after that the mail came, so I rushed out to check it. No luck today, though. I headed back inside, pouty faced, and waited for my time to leave for work. Work was pretty busy, and went by fast enough. I grabbed a salad on my way out and then got to Matt's house a little after 9:00 PM. Matt's family got two letters from him today! They allowed me to read them, and it made me happy to read his words, even if they weren't meant for me. He spoke of us getting married too, which made me even  happier to see! I ate my dinner there, then watched a movie with Matt's mom until about 1:00 AM haha.
Tip of the day: Stay positive, and stay busy. Time will go by so much faster than you would have ever thought if you keep your mind busy! Don't let the little things get you down, think forward - about what good is coming in your near or far future!
As I said, Stay positive!

Friday, April 26, 2013

Day 52 of boot camp

I got up, but allowed myself to stay in bed longer than I probably should have. I eventually got up, got dressed, fixed my messy bed head, and headed to class. Biology was nothing to brag about today, pretty boring day if you ask me. After that I stopped by a couple stores to get gift bags, and Mother's day presents for my mom and Matt's mom. After a little bit of searching I finally found what I was looking for! I came home, then pretty much immediately went back out to get my sister some food from Chipotle. On my way home I got the mail and found a letter from Matt! I think it was from a while ago though, because it went over things that we talked about already in his last letters. He said he hoped it got to me at the same time as those letter, but obviously it did not. I then finished up my letter to Matt before hurrying to get ready for work - then running out the door so I would have enough time to stop by the post office and make it to work on time. Work wasn't s tho bad, it was pretty slow, actually. I got to come home early, and so I finished up some homework for my film class. When I got on the computer I was happy to find a picture of Matt uploaded to the site that is being run for his platoon! It's so nice to see him, even if it's only though pictures. He's just as handsome as I remember before he left (not that I doubted he wouldn't be haha). He looks so good in that army uniform and I can't wait to see him in person! I got that done pretty quickly, and now I'm watching TV with my family and writing this. I plan to get a head start on some more school work, then  do some pilates before heading to bed.
Tip of the day: Plan things out as much as you can, and get things done as soon as you can. Procrastinating  and putting important things off with only stress you out even more, and Lord knows if you're in the same boat I am - you're an emotional bomb just waiting to be set off at any second. Don't set yourself up for disaster! Make sure you know what you need to get done, and when you need to get it done by - I promise it will make you feel so much better to have things all figured out.
Stay positive! I only have 2 weeks and a couple days left - This time is going to fly by :)

Thursday, April 25, 2013

Day 51 of boot camp

Day 51 began around 9:00 AM. I packed up Matt's cell phone, and got it ready to send down to him in South Carolina. I got dressed and then headed out the door. I spent the rest of my day on the couch, catching up on homework while waiting until I absolutely had to get up and get ready for work. The mail came around 3:30 and I rushed out to check it. No luck today either, but I didn't let it get me too down. I got ready for work and drug my feet out the door and into my car. Tonight was our Brazilian Wine Dinner. The man who was supposed to speak about the wine was more than an hour late, and I didn't get any free food which I was hoping for since we got dinner last time. I planned for the rest of the weekend, and went home around 8:40 PM. On my way home I noticed the beautiful moon, and found myself wondering if Matt was looking at the moon too. That's the nice thing about the moon; wherever you may be, you are always looking up at the same moon. I heated up some left overs and then went down stairs to my room. I put away some laundry, and then for some reason decided to open my box of letters from Matt and read. I would read some, then write some in my own letter to Matt. I started thinking of all the things I miss about Matt - pretty much anything you can think of I miss. This made me tear up, so I read more of his letters, which made me cry even more, and then eventually my cheeks and hands were covered in black mascara from wiping away tears so I could see clearly enough to continue reading. In one of Matt's letters to me he mentioned a song that played a lot in the buses whenever he'd have to get on one. I found the song, and that lead to playing even more love songs. These songs helped the tears fall even more. I guess I just needed a good cry. I miss Matt so much, and all that emotion couldn't stay bottled up any longer. Out of the corner of my tear filled eye I saw a nasty bug run (yes, run) into my room. I couldn't let it just roam around - what if it got in my clothes, or my bed?! So, I ran up the stairs as fast as I could and grabbed a tennis shoe - and then I killed that little sucker. I guess I should thank the bug though, because he got me to stop crying. Too bad he's dead now. Hopefully his friends don't come seeking revenge. I finished up my letter to Matt, and changed the music from sad love songs to random classic rock songs (my favorite). I'll get a shower in then head off to bed so that I can face the long day ahead of me tomorrow. A 6 hour Biology class, then work ... sounds fun doesn't it? Yeah I don't think so either, but it has to be done.
Tip of the day: Just get a good cry out. Everyone needs a good cry once in a while, and if you're stressed, or missing someone like I am - you'll need a good cry a little more than every once in a while. It's nothing to be ashamed of, I think it helps you! So, go ahead and cry. Maybe once it's been long enough a bug will come in the room so that you can kill it, and stop crying like I did! Who knows!
Stay Positive! You're getting closer and closer!

Day 50 of boot camp

I got up early, hurried to get dressed, and find at least something to eat, then I headed out the door to an Elementary school for observations. Luckily I left early, because of course I got lost. I eventually made it though, and then waited for about 30 minutes for the teacher I was supposed to meet. The day went well though, I sat in a 3rd grade classroom and the kids seemed to really like me. On my lunch break I took a long walk around a huge beautiful pond across the street from the school, then I sat and wrote to Matt until it was time to go back. It was such a beautiful day out, and I just couldn't help but think of how nice it would have been if Matt could have been there with me. It makes me happy to know that I have him to miss though, I don't know what I'd do without that man! It's hard to be away from him, but it won't be forever  and I'm so glad that after this short time apart, we will be together forever. My day there ended around 2:30, then I made my way home. Before going inside I checked the mail to find nothing, not that I really expected anything because I know he's super busy this week - but I check anyways, just in case :). I finished my letter to Matt, sealed it up, got dressed in comfy clothes, then headed back out the door. I dropped off my letter at the post office, and then headed to Matt's house as I do every Wednesday. His mom, brother, and I went to the dollar store for some things to put in a shoe box to send to soldiers across seas. It was a project his brother was assigned to do for school, and I think it's a really sweet idea. After that we went to pizza hut, and I ate way too much pizza! I guess that can be allowed sometimes though. We stopped at Walmart afterwards, then got home just in time before it started pouring. We hung out for a while, and I went home around 10. I jumped on the treadmill for 30 minutes, then tiredly went to bed.
Tip of the day: Find something that you like doing that keeps you busy, and make it routine (like me working out), and no matter how tired you are, don't give up on doing it! If you miss one day, that could lead to missing more days!  If you want results, then you can't blow it off.
Stay positive!

Tuesday, April 23, 2013

Day 49 of boot camp

Today started around 9:00 AM when I finally got out of bed. I got dressed, did my hair and got my school books together. After that I stopped by the post office to mail a letter to Matt, and then got some Clif bars from the grocery store across the street. I finally finished everything I had to do, and made my way to class. After my Education class I went off to the mall in search of the perfect shoes to match my wedding dress. I had $10 off at DSW, and luckily I found the shoes. I picked out about 4 different boxes of shoes, and when going to put them back they somehow exploded and shoes went everywhere. I didn't see anyone stare at me, but I was embarrassed anyways haha. I picked up the mess as fast as I could and hurried to check out. So now I have the dress and the shoes - perfect! After a little shopping I drove back to school for my last two classes of the day. I found a pretty good parking spot, and got some coffee before walking awkwardly behind a girl who was going way to slow up the stairs to my History class. Class went by fast enough, and I walked across the hall to my British Lit class. That's my long class, but it surprisingly wasn't too bad. I got home around 8:00 PM and ate some leftovers for dinner. I cleaned my room, got laundry together, got some cardio in on the stationary bike, then did some pilates. Now I'm sitting on the couch in my basement watching MTV and typing this before I go shower. I felt sad at the begginning of the day, still missing Matt - but as the day progressed I got happy when missing Matt instead. I thought of how happy I will be to finally see him again, and how wonderful it will be to get to hug him, kiss him, and just have a face to face conversation with him! I really just miss being able to talk to him every day! It's coming soon though - 3 weeks left until we're finally reunited! Since we've been apart I've realized how fast time goes by - and that's why I'm so excited, because I know this time will go by so fast!! Before, days used to be so long - then weeks seemed long, but now if someone told me I wouldn't be able to see Matt for a week I would be so thankful, because a week is nothing compared to these months I've been without him, and even months aren't so bad - because I know I won't be able to see him for another 4 months after this. This is really hard, I won't sugar coat it - being away from my best friend, and soon to be husband is the hardest thing I've ever had to do, but if you sit down to think about it - who cares about the pain, and the crying?! Who cares if you're sad for a little while... because you will get to spend the rest of your life with this person you're waiting for and crying about missing. And, for me at least, that is so worth the waiting, emotional nights, and seemingly impossible days. Matt is the best thing that has ever come into my life. He makes me a better person, and really makes me just appreciate so many of the little things and life. I love him more than anything, and I am so thankful for him.
Tip of the day: Sit down and think. Think of why you're sad. You're sad because you feel lonely and you miss your loved one right? Well why do you feel sad and miss them? Because you're waiting for them. Why are you waiting for them? Because you love them. And why do you love them? That's for you to answer ... and if all of your answers to these questions match up with what I said - then the wait is worth it and you're doing the right thing. Sitting down and thinking about this will clear your mind, and hopefully make you feel better. And you should feel better - because you're strong, and not everyone is strong enough to do what we are doing. Remember that.
Stay positive!

Monday, April 22, 2013

Day 48 of boot camp

I woke up kind of early today, and stayed on the couch for a big part of my day doing homework, and just relaxing. Around 3:00 PM Lindsey came over, and we headed off to her doctors appointment. I sat and waited, then the two of us went out for dinner at a small Vietnamese place. After that she dropped me back at home,and I went to check the mail. I got a letter today! I knew I would though, because Matt had mentioned it on the phone Sunday. I was happy to hear from him never the less. I sat in the kitchen, and happily read. Once I had finished, my mother, sister, and I went for a long walk. I ended up speed walking, and lost them pretty quickly. I made it home about 10 or so minutes before them, and started writing back to Matt. While writing I started to feel sad and empty. I miss him so much, I just want the wait to be over. We're getting very close to graduation day now - and I just can't wait to finally see him again! I still feel a little sad, I just keep picturing his voice, his smile, his face, his laugh, his everything. I want nothing more than to be with Matt right now, but I just have to suck it up and wait until I can. I'm now sitting, back on the couch, watching Monday night TV shows, and missing Matt - oh and I'm freezing my butt off because for some reason it's cold at the end of April. I hope it warms up soon, warm weather usually brings happier moods - and I could use that right about now. I've tried my best to keep busy today, but it seems that it didn't do much good. I guess if you miss someone enough, nothing can get your mind off of them, and scare the sadness away - I've definitely learned that.
Tip of the day: I'm really not sure what to say about today, for nothing seemed to help my loneliness. I suppose we will just have days like theses, where we just have to deal with the pain, and wait for the rain cloud to pass. The rain cloud will pass too, don't you worry about that.
Stay strong and positive! You're a day closer to seeing your loved one.

Sunday, April 21, 2013

Day 47 of boot camp

This morning I woke up from the sound of the alarm on my phone. I laid on the couch for a while watching morning TV shows with Matt's little brother when their home phone rang. I listened intently, just in case it was Matt calling. The phone went to voice mail, and then turned off. Shortly after the Rocky theme song started blaring from my cell phone speakers. I looked down to see the South Carolina area code. I quickly hit "answer" and said Hello. It was Matt! My wonderful fiance was on the other end of the phone for the second weekend in a row. I was so beyond happy and excited. It was still so hard to hear him, so we decided to hang up, and have him call his house phone back so I could pick that up. Less than a minute later the home phone rang and I picked it up right away. Matt's step father was walking through the kitchen so I told him to wake Matt's mom up so she could talk to him too! I realized we'd have plenty of time after Matt said he had a whole 20 minutes to talk today! While talking, Matt's mom picked up the other phone and all 3 of us got to talk! Before I knew it Matt said he had only one minute left. His mom got off the phone to allow us to say our goodbyes. I told him I loved him, and he told me he loved me more. Then we had to say goodbye. I hung up the phone, and Matt's mom walked in the room. I sat with tears running down my cheeks, then she asked if I was crying and I began to sob while saying "yes". She came over to give me a hug and I explained that I just miss Matt so much. It's so hard to hear his voice, but not be able to see him. It makes me feel like he is so much closer than he actually is. I wiped my tears away though, because there are too many reasons to be happy. I got a call on our anniversary, it lasted about 20 minutes!, I got a letter the day before, I got to update him on the wedding - and get some opinions, etc etc! I got dressed, and put on my face so that we could all leave to go out to breakfast. It was me, Matt's mom, my mom, and Matt's younger brother. The moms got to talk wedding, and we all got good food. After that I headed home to meet Linds, and then she, my mom, my sister, and I headed out wedding dress shopping! We got there after a long and slightly confusing car ride, and then the fun began! My consultant pulled many dresses, all of which looked good - but one really stood out to me. Of course, the most expensive one. I won't describe it, because I want it to be a surprise on my wedding day, but let me just say it is amazing, and I look amazing in it! I even found the perfect veil to go with it! After my whole outfit was put together I stood in front of the large mirror and starred at myself. I looked beautiful. The dress was everything I had pictured it to be, and I just had to have it. I decided that was "the" dress, and I got to close my eyes, make a wish, and ring a bell - it's ritual. The whole wedding shop applauded and I stood and soaked it all in with a smile on my face. I got changed into my regular clothes and then it was time to look for some bridesmaids dresses. Morgan, my sister, went with a long and elegant dress, and Lindsey went with a short and adorable one! They both looked great, and that got me even more excited. Now Matt's sisters, and Lindsey daughter just have to find their perfect dresses and my ladies will be set! I also found out that Matt's best friend, Rob will be one of Matt's groomsmen, which is awesome news! Matt's mother and I will go out and find all matching ties for the guys soon! Everything is coming together so perfectly, and I couldn't be happier.This is so exciting, and I'm so glad I now have something else to keep my mind busy while my best friend, and soon to be husband is away.  After shopping Lindsey and I went out for dinner, and stupidly sat outside on this chilly, and windy day. We definitely had fun though, whether we were freezing or not. We went our separate ways after that, and my mother, sister and I went on a long much needed walk. I have to keep in shape for my September wedding!! Since then I've been hanging out, doing some homework, and looking up some more wedding ideas. I just finished up a very long letter to Matt that I will send out tomorrow morning. It seems as though it takes a while for him to get my letters. I wish that he would receive mine as fast as anyone else would, but I know this is not possible since he is in boot camp. Pretty soon we'll have to stop sending letters all together, and just wait until it is time to go see him for his graduation.
Tip of the day: Go out with your close friends and have some fun! Whatever you may get into, make sure there are plenty of laughs and loads of fun. It will help to one, lift your mood, and two, keep you busy! The best thing to do during this time apart from your loved one is to keep busy as possible. I won't lie, no matter how busy I am - Matt is always on my mind, and every little thing reminds me of him and makes me wish he were here - but it keeps me happier than I would be if I were all alone missing him.
Stay positive! - that's the very best thing you can do.

Saturday, April 20, 2013

Day 46 of boot camp

This morning I woke up and got ready quickly so that my mother and I could go out. We started at the bank, then headed to a place to figure out what size tent and tables to rent for our reception. After that we met a florist and talked flowers for the wedding. She was so nice and helpful! I can't wait to work with her more. When we left her shop we talked to a guy about catering the wedding. It seems like we're getting everything figured out, and it's working perfectly! I'm so excited and happy! When we finally finished all of that we went out to lunch, which was ver nice. Then we came home and measured the backyard to see where a tent would fit. Good news - it will fit just fine! While getting ready for work the mail came!! I ran outside, down the hill, and to the whit box. Inside were two envelopes waiting for me! My face immediately lit up with joy and I sprinted back inside. As soon as I opened the door I yelled "got one!" to my mom sitting at the kitchen table. I took in the center of the kitchen and read my letters. I noticed one was addressed to "my girl" and my smile grew about as large as it could grow. I stood there glowing, and reading for a little while. Then I finished my letter to Matt, making sure to answer everything he said in his letters. I rushed to the post office, and then to work. It was a busy night, and a huge headache made it's way across my forehead. As soon as I got off work I hurried home to shower, and get ready to leave for Matt's house to spend time with his family. Today was such a busy day, and I'm in no way exaggerating when I say I'm worn out. I am so thankful that I got a letter from Matt today, it made my crummy week so much better!
Tip of the day: start your days off early and energized, then keep busy till you can't keep busy no more! The day goes by so much faster. Oh and stay positive! Yesterday I was so sad because I was missing Matt so very much, and desperately wanted a letter from him - and look, today I got two!
Like I said, stay positive!

Friday, April 19, 2013

Day 45 of boot camp

Today has seemed so long too. What happened to my days going by fast?! I guess they seem faster when I'm in a better mood. It's been pretty crappy weather all day, we even had a tornado watch earlier. My 8:00 AM 6 hour long Biology class seemed to drag on forever, and I was in no mood to deal with the immaturity level of everyone in that class. Somehow I made it through alive, and got home around 2:00 PM. I hopefully walked down to the mail box to ... find nothing. Again. I slowly drug my feet back up the hill in my front yard until I got to my garage. I stood there next to my car for a second, leaned against it and cried. I didn't cry as long or as hard as yesterday, but I just couldn't hold back the teachers when I saw I had no letter from Matt yet again. I spend all day thinking, and wondering about Matt - then I get hopeful for some sort of contact from him. It's been over a week now since I last got to read his words, and it has not been a fun week what so ever! Luckily, there is about 3 weeks and a couple days left until his graduation! 3 weeks isn't so bad at all, the weeks seem to go by fast, just not the days. Like I've said before, I will remain hopeful for a letter. I'm already excited to possibly get one tomorrow. I may not though, it's actually most likely a good chance that I will not get a letter. Although I type this, and know it is unlikely - I will still get excited and hopeful like a little girl. I suppose that's a good thing though, I don't want to see the day i lose hope. I got ready for work, and before I left found out that my good friend Sarah had received the wedding present I bought for her and Josh and loved it! I'm not rich, but I did my best to find good presents! I'm so glad she liked them! I got to work a little early, and set up for dinner. The night was slow, and there wasn't much I could do to keep busy. I got to leave a little early at least! I came home to find my grandfather here once again to help my dad with a painting job this weekend. While I was gone my parents had apparently told him about the upcoming wedding this September. I know he worries about me, and he did tell me that, but overall he was supportive and I appreciate that a lot. I know I'm young, but I also know Matt and I will always take care of each other. We will be just fine, I'm sure of it! I love that man more than anything, and there is nothing more in this world that makes me happier than he does! I'm now watching ghost shows with my younger sister, waiting until I get too tired to keep my eyes open any longer. I hope to be able to fall asleep to the sound of the rain wiping against my small bedroom window, and the roof above me - that has to be one of the most relaxing noises in the world, and Lord knows I could use some relaxation.
Tip of the day: Keep yourself busy. Not busy to the point where you're overwhelmed and stressed - but busy enough so that you don't have the time to stand in your garage and cry. I don't even have time for that myself, but somehow it happens. "Shit happens"  - I know you've heard that before, and it's true. It happens, and it ends, and you end up fine.
I've got about 25 days left! That's it. Wow.. that's it? That's it!
I know this time will go by fast, and I'm feeling so excited just thinking about it! I love how just the thought of seeing Matt again, can turn a bad day better. I'm so lucky!
Stay positive! And never let yourself lose hope!

Thursday, April 18, 2013

Day 44 of boot camp

Today started off pretty blah. I woke up not feeling well, but still made myself get up and get ready for class. I stopped on the way for some coffee, assuming I would not be rushing to get there. For some reason 15 was all blocked up, and I in fact ended up rushing to get to class on time. My luck there were no parking spots close to my building at all. So, I drove all the way across campus and found ONE parking spot. I quickly turned in, already 5 minutes late to class. I will admit I even noticed I was a bit crooked, but if I'm able to get out of my car fine with my long doors - it isn't that bad, trust me! Class went fine, it was actually fun and got me laughing. On my way back to my car it started to rain, and as I walked it started to rain even more. I was pretty much soaked by the time I got to my car. I put my bags in the passenger side, and went to sit down behind the wheel when I saw a piece of paper stuck in my windshield wipers. I stopped, halfway seated in mid air, and stood back up to grab the note. My first thought was that someone left me a nice note on my car, maybe a friend. NOPE! I opened the piece of lined notebook paper and written quite largely was " you park like an ASS " - in messy handwriting might I add. I smiled, sat down, then got angry. It really irks me that this person - who has no idea who I am or what my morning was like - took the time to write something mean on a stupid piece of paper and put it on my car. I don't understand people sometimes, it's like they want to be mean. I mean, obviously this person knew this note was not a nice one. I suppose I shouldn't pry on it so much though, it's in the past now. Anyways, I finished up some studying before History, then headed back into the building for that class. Turns out we didn't have a test, so I didn't need to study - It can't hurt though so whatever! After class I jumped in my car, and quickly drove home. As I got closer and closer to my house the butterflies in my stomach began to grow, and I felt very nervous. I was hoping to find a letter today when I made my drive by the mailbox. I even sent a text message to my family to make sure they left the mail alone so I could see if I got anything or not. I feel more sure when I see for myself. Sadly, there was no letter. I put my car in park right in front of the mail box, looked through the envelopes in my lap one more time just to make sure I didn't miss anything, then buried my face in my open hands and cried. I decided the side of the street was not a good place to cry, especially because people were walking their dogs right beside me. I drove around to my driveway, opened the garage, parked my car again, and sat and cried some more. About 10 minutes went by when I decided to suck it up and go inside. 10 minutes wasn't actually enough time, so I walked downstairs to my room. I stood in front of my dresser looking at all the pictures of Matt sitting atop it and cried some more. Then I sat on the floor, hid my face in a towel, and cried even more. After a little while of that I changed into comfy clothes, stood in the back pantry looking for something to eat, and cried a little more. I picked up a can of soup, and decided I should stop crying. I slugged back up the stairs and made my dinner. After that I went for a long walk with my mom, and we got to talking about the wedding - which cheered me right up. I've been in a better mood ever since. My best friend Lindsey stopped by for a little bit tonight. Aubrey was fast asleep in her car seat, so the two of us sat on the hood of her car with a blanket and talked for about an hour. Eventually Linds had to go, so we hugged goodbye and I came back inside. I'll finish my night with some pilates, a shower, and hopefully I'll fall asleep fast. Tomorrow is a new day - and maybe I'll get a letter then! Maybe I shouldn't get my hopes up - but I probably will anyways.
Tip of the day: Everyone has their bad days - everyone. Don't worry if you have one of these days, it happens. Don't let it get you too down though - go ahead and cry, let it all out, but then pick yourself back up and stay strong!
Stay positive! This time will be over before you know it!