Tuesday, June 25, 2013


So recently, I have gotten my hopes up. Not out of the of the ordinary haha. I had hoped that this July 4th Matt would be able to come home for a bit and spend time with us. It took a couple weeks to find out the answer, and sadly that answer ended up being no. I mean, I expected it - we all expected it. But there was still hope left that I was not willing to let go of. There still is.. which makes no sense, but hey I'd rather have hope than be some emotionless blob. I'm so ready for this time apart to be done with, too bad there's still several months left until I will be able to see him again. So, I will suck it up and continue to wait with my head held high. Sometimes I just want to break down and cry, but what's the point in that? Crying won't bring Matt home any sooner - it will only make me more sad, and make him more sad if he knew I was crying. I cried a little bit over face time with him the other day, and I think he could tell, but I wiped away the tears and continued to smile. I have all the reason to smile, Matt is my #1 reason to smile. I miss him so very much, but at least I have him to miss, and I know that when he does get his leave we will be getting married. When I think of things that way I smile, and my heart smiles - and I feel so much better. Today I saw my friend Lindsey, and when I told her the sad news that Matt would not be coming back for a little in July she told me "I don't know how you do it" she told me she gets sad when she hears these things, and can't imagine how I feel. Truthfully, yes .. it sucks, but I feel so strong knowing that we can get through it, and we will get through it. It's NOT easy being away from the person you want to marry for so long. It's not easy at all. But we manage, and our love is stronger than ever. I don't know what I'd do without Matt! He keeps me strong and happy when it seems like nothing is going fairly. The truth is life isn't fair haha - I've definitely learned that! It's okay though, because although some things in life aren't fair, others are. Yes, it seems unfair that I can't see Matt at all until the fall - but then I think of how lucky I am to be marrying someone who I can trust with my life and feel so comfortable with. He's my best friend and soul mate, and although I can't be with him right now - I have the rest of my life to be with him! This rant has made me feel so much better.
Stay positive and strong - you can do anything you put your mind to.

Friday, June 21, 2013

Some more catch up - it's been a month already!

I haven't blogged in a while, I feel bad about it too! Not entirely sure if I have readers that miss reading - but  I sure do miss writing. I have been busy lately though, so I suppose I shouldn't be too hard on myself. It's already been over a month since Matt has been at AIT! - hard to believe, but time is flying by! Let's see, Matt's classes are still going well. He's been passing his tests and seems to be happy overall. They still go until about 1:30 Am, and yes I still stay up every single night to talk to him - even if it's only for a little. He's worth the tired days. I had a 3 week summer math class that just ended this past Thursday. This class was every week day from 9 to about 12:30. Not too bad, but math isn't my best subject (truthfully it's probably my worst subject). It was definitely a stressful 3 weeks, but I made it! I'm not sure on my final grade for the class, but I am extremely confident that I did not fail - yay! haha! So, what else is new.. hmm.. I've still been spending every Wednesday and Saturday at Matt's parents house. His older sister is there now too, and her son Vann! Visiting is even more fun and exciting with a crazy two year old running around! Oh!did I mention we got a new dog?! A little Lab-German Shepard mixed girl. She's all black with a little white on her stomach, and she's strong! Hopefully she'll become more well behaved as she grows up, but overall she's a good dog, and keeps my younger sister busy busy busy. I pretty much get to talk to Matt every day, not for long, but at least I get to hear from him each day. Both of our wedding bands have arrived in the mail, and are safely tucked away. His is an all black Triton ring, and mine is a small and beautiful white gold ring with alternating black and white diamonds - I can't wait till we can wear them!! We're still not sure when Matt will be coming home on leave, meaning we're still not sure when we'll be getting married - somehow the unknown isn't bothering me too much, and I thank God for that. I'm trying to think of new things - here's an exciting one! This past Wednesday I returned home around 10 Pm to find a package sitting on the table. I walked up and my eyes immediately centered on the returning address. The package sitting on the table was from PV2 Vollmer! My eyes then shifted to who it was for - of course me. My face lit up like the sun. I could feel my cheeks blush as I ripped open the package with trembling hands. Inside was a card, two magnets, and Matt's name tag. The magnets were cute ones that you'd get if you were traveling to a different state to remember where you've been. I opened the card and my eyes filled with tears as I read the sweet words. Happy tears, of course! This package was completely unexpected - and made me just about the happiest girl in the world! Matt is so sweet to me, and I just love him so much! I hope that he knows how much I appreciate him - I don't see how he couldn't know with the way I act towards him! I love that man more than anything in this world, and I am soo happy that I get to marry him. My life has definitely been blessed, and I hope it continues. Overall, AIT hasn't been so bad on my end. Yes, I get lonely - all the time. Yes, I cry sometimes - not a lot, but it still happens. And yes - I miss him more than anything, but overall I'm okay, and he's okay, and that's all that matters. We will be reunited soon enough, and I am looking forward to that every single day.
Stay strong and positive - this is hard, but it's definitely do-able.

Tuesday, June 4, 2013

Catch up

So, about those classes Matt was supposed to start. Tuesday Matt got to class and they turned him away because his identification card was not working. After turning him away they informed him that he would be held back about 3 more weeks. Well, that news sucked! I got a little teary eyed, but wiped them away and kept positive. No matter the amount of time Matt is gone I will always always wait patiently to be reunited with him, because I know eventually we must be reunited. The next day Matt decided to try again to fix his card, and guess what! This sergeant fixed it right away! I was over joyed with the news! Matt said he would try once again to go to class that night. I continued my weekly routine of going to his mom's house every Wednesday, and did not receive another message from him for the rest of that evening - meaning he was in class!! His class schedule goes from late afternoon till about 2 Am. So, the bad news we thought was reality is now changed, and he should not be set back those extra 3 or so weeks! I decided to stay up until he got back, and I have continued to do so every day since he has been in class - which is about a week now. It's a little tough to stay up that late - I run out of things to do while waiting - but I end up figuring something out! I barely get to talk to Matt at all during the week, and so I stay up late to at least talk to him a little before going to sleep. I miss him more at night; the day gets quieter, and my thoughts get louder. We've still got about 3 months left, maybe a little more until we are reunited with each other. If you think about it, that's not so bad. Even as I think about it in the moment it's not that bad. It's just kind of normal now that Matt is far away. It's just how it is. I'm not saying it's easy - it's NOT. I hate how this is normal that he's far away, every day I think about how I'd love to just hug him, and kiss him, and hold him, and tell him how much I love him - I can't wait until that day is finally here! I spend my nights wishing I were cuddled in his arms, and I spend my days wishing he was by my side keeping me company. When we do talk, it's usually quick, and full of "I love you's" - and I LOVE THAT. I have to say that the distance is not hurting our relationship one bit, in fact I feel even closer to him. It's not easy to stay strong, and happy, and madly in love while you are so far away from your loved one - but we're doing it! and we're doing it so easily. Every day Matt proves to me that he is the perfect man for me, and I only hope I do the same for him. I really am marrying my dream guy!
Now, let me get you caught up on what I've been up to while waiting for all this training to be over! I started back at school this past Monday. I go to FCC Monday through Thursday from 9 am - 12:30 pm. Even better - it's a math class! I'm kidding when I say "even better", because math is one of my worst subjects haha! It's actually not too bad so far. It's a little challenging, but my professor is nice and helpful which makes a huge difference! This class will run only 3 weeks, so I know it's going to fly by. Then I'll be finishing up my very last semester at FCC!
Remember to stay strong and positive - because really, that's the best you can do for yourself and others around you!