Tuesday, June 25, 2013

Recently

So recently, I have gotten my hopes up. Not out of the of the ordinary haha. I had hoped that this July 4th Matt would be able to come home for a bit and spend time with us. It took a couple weeks to find out the answer, and sadly that answer ended up being no. I mean, I expected it - we all expected it. But there was still hope left that I was not willing to let go of. There still is.. which makes no sense, but hey I'd rather have hope than be some emotionless blob. I'm so ready for this time apart to be done with, too bad there's still several months left until I will be able to see him again. So, I will suck it up and continue to wait with my head held high. Sometimes I just want to break down and cry, but what's the point in that? Crying won't bring Matt home any sooner - it will only make me more sad, and make him more sad if he knew I was crying. I cried a little bit over face time with him the other day, and I think he could tell, but I wiped away the tears and continued to smile. I have all the reason to smile, Matt is my #1 reason to smile. I miss him so very much, but at least I have him to miss, and I know that when he does get his leave we will be getting married. When I think of things that way I smile, and my heart smiles - and I feel so much better. Today I saw my friend Lindsey, and when I told her the sad news that Matt would not be coming back for a little in July she told me "I don't know how you do it" she told me she gets sad when she hears these things, and can't imagine how I feel. Truthfully, yes .. it sucks, but I feel so strong knowing that we can get through it, and we will get through it. It's NOT easy being away from the person you want to marry for so long. It's not easy at all. But we manage, and our love is stronger than ever. I don't know what I'd do without Matt! He keeps me strong and happy when it seems like nothing is going fairly. The truth is life isn't fair haha - I've definitely learned that! It's okay though, because although some things in life aren't fair, others are. Yes, it seems unfair that I can't see Matt at all until the fall - but then I think of how lucky I am to be marrying someone who I can trust with my life and feel so comfortable with. He's my best friend and soul mate, and although I can't be with him right now - I have the rest of my life to be with him! This rant has made me feel so much better.
Stay positive and strong - you can do anything you put your mind to.