Thursday, March 14, 2013

Day 9 of bootcamp

The lonely feeling is not subsiding so far, nor do I think it ever will. We still never got a phone call, and I don't think we will. I've officially given up hoping - I think haha. School went by fast today, I barely remember it actually. Then there was the Whiskey Dinner tonight at Brick Ridge. I did not have much to do, but it was fun to spend time with friends! Plus I got good free Irish food! I've started getting rid of clothes I do not wear anymore. I'm shoving them all into garbage bags and will eventually give them to Goodwill. This will keep my mind busy, and give me way more room to store my clothes! I'm hoping for a letter soon, or  some sort of contact with Matt. It's extremely difficult to see your fiance almost every single day, and then not even hear a peep from him for over a week. I miss him more than ANYTHING! Sometimes I don't even know what to do with myself, and then I remember there's nothing I can do. I just have to wait. And so that's what I do. I wait. And I will continue to wait for as long as it takes. Throughout this whole process there is a lot of things I do not know. But there is one thing I do know; I love that man  more than my own life and I'm willing to do anything if it means spending the rest of my life with him. That's why this whole thing feels so hard, yet easy at the same time. This is the hardest thing that I've ever had to do before actually, but at the same time it's so simple. I love him so much, and loving him is the easiest thing I've ever done - so that's what makes this simple. I'm doing it (waiting for my heart to come back with barely any contact while waiting) because I love him - and that is easy. So this is easy, while at the same time hard. Does that make any sense? I'm not sure if I'm explaining it correctly, but I know what I mean so I guess that's all that matters. It's hard to put feelings into words, but at least I gave it a shot, right? I suppose I will finish up this post now. Tip of the day: Keep busy!! My day flew by and I didn't even really realize it! Which is a wonderful feeling when you're anticipating a certain date a while away!

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